Hurricanes Hope For A Better 2K10

Now is the time of year that we look back and relive all of our accomplishments from the past 12 months (things like yes, I did manage to remember to feed the fish every day and didn't burn down my apartment building while making popcorn from scratch-it can be done people). It's also the time of year that we randomly pick a few things to improve upon for next year (I will not procrastinate anymore and I will stop calling certain players by mean and derogatory nicknames). If you're a member of the Carolina Hurricanes, chances are there is a lot to improve upon (we only have 10 wins after all) and the Hurricane Siren was lucky enough to get a list of those resolutions straight from the guys in red. (Note-these are entirely made up by yours truly.)

Andrew Alberts:
I resolve to continue to fly under the radar in the hopes that people won't hate me as much as they do A.Ward.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 8-no one could ever hate him as much as they do A.Ward, but he may not escape Caniac wrath forever.)

Rod Brind'amour:
I resolve to retire gracefully at the end of the season to spare fans and teammates the awkwardness of my continued presence on the 4th line.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 2-we all know Rod will be carried kicking and screaming from the rink. But there is always the hope and promise of a new year.)

Brett Carson:
I resolve never to return to Albany. It's cold up there and I don't like riding buses.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 6-Corvo's eventual return will make it harder for Carson to stick, but there is always the potential for certain defensemen who shall remain nameless to be struck with the "flu" come gamedays.)

Erik Cole:
I resolve to spend less time hanging with E.Staal and more time shaving/healing.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 3-Binky loves him some E.Staal.)

Joe Corvo:
I resolve to return to the game as soon as possible with a positive attitude and cheerful disposition.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 6-he may heal quickly, but Jose Cuervo is neither positive nor cheerful.)

Matt Cullen:
I resolve to no longer take hot tub trips with my teammates. Or at the very least make sure Tripp doesn't find out about them.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 4-TRIPP KNOWS ALL!)

Patrick Dwyer:
I resolve to practice my “falling with grace” face. Oh and to keep on the lookout for flying hockey players. (Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 8-chances are he’ll be able to avoid Steve Ott for a while, but there’s no guarantee that he is even safe during practice with the A squad out there and all.)

Tim Gleason:
I resolve to continue being fan-freaking-tastic. I also resolve to knock Ovenchicken on his [keister] the next time he acts like a [punk]. (Note-this content has been edited for language.)
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 10. It’s Tim Gleason. Enough said. GLEASON FOR EMPEROR!)

Jussi Jokinen:
I resolve to show those jokers over at Team Finland what they’re missing as I make goalies look foolish night after night.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 9-the Staal-Cullen-Jokinen line is pure money for the Canes right now and Jokinen is a huge part of that. Note-one point was deducted because there is the chance that a spot may open up for the Juice.)

Tom K-something:
I resolve to decisively win a fight before the season ends.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 3-we’ve seen what TKO has to offer in the fight department and well I think the proof is in the pudding…errr video:


Chad LaRose:
I resolve to heal quickly and start earning that ridonkulous amount of money I’ve got coming to me.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 4-almost no one is earning their money this season, ridonkulous amounts or otherwise.)

Manny Legace:
Editors note-Unfortunately, Manny could not be reached for comment as he was far too short to reach the pen.

Joni Pitkanen:
I resolve to stop skating with my tongue sticking out. It’s dangerous and makes me look like Stitch from that Disney movie.

(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 1. It’s his thing. It’s weird and creepy, but it’s his thing.)

Tuomo Ruutu:
I resolve to teach Tripp the proper meaning of sisu or get him to stop saying it altogether.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 5-he’ll try, but we’re talking about Tripp and therefore he may be too late.)

Sergei Samsonov:
I resolve to no longer stickhandle for an eon before either shooting it into the goalie's logo or passing it to a teammate who’s long since fallen asleep from boredom.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale from 1 to 10: 2.5-he didn’t get the nickname “Happy Hands” because of his proficiency in the time honored art of jazz hands and spirit fingers.)

Eric Staal:
I resolve to no longer pout when a call does not go my way. Instead I will hustle to get back in the play and help my team.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 3-maybe Stevie Y. can beat it out of him during the Olympics, but I’m not holding my breath.)



Brandon Sutter:
I resolve to do nothing but eat over the Olympic break in an effort to gain some weight so that I don’t look like four toothpicks tied in the middle.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 4-he may eat, but he won’t gain any weight.)



Scott Walker:
I resolve to punch Aaron Ward in the other eye in hopes of fixing him.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: in reality, probably a 1, but in terms of desire it’s at least a 100.)

Niclas Wallin:
I resolve to relish in the fact that I am no longer the scapegoat when things go wrong on defense. Woo hoo!
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 9-with A.Ward on the team, Wallin’s naysayers have found a new target and rightfully so. But what happens if we manage to dump A.Ward?)

Cam Ward:
I resolve to continue my career year in terms of points-3 assists and counting.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 7-with 3 points in 24 games played, he’s already doing better than the big Swede and Yelle.)

Aaron Ward:
I resolve to no longer take a penalty in the defensive zone then stop playing once I've been caught for it allowing the opposing team to have a top notch scoring chance.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: -17 which oddly enough is his actual +/-. Huh. Go figure.)

Ray Whitney:
I resolve to be slightly less of a media tramp and play hard to get during interviews.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 0-I think Ray Whitney may actually translate into “seeks attention” in other languages.)

Stephane Yelle:
I resolve to infuse youth and speed into the fourth line.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 7-Yelle’s 34 years on this planet make him the youngest member of the Geritol line, but no amount of infusing is going to help that bunch regain their stride.)

Paul Maurice:
I resolve to have my ties match my team’s play.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 9-Mo’s ties are ugly and on most nights so is the hockey being played over at Edwards Mill Road.)

Happy New Year Caniacs! Let's hope 2010 is kinder to our boys!

The 12 Days of Caniac Christmas

What says holiday cheer better than sub-.500 hockey?! Oh I know! Satirical Christmas carols filled with bitterness and disappointment. Happy holidays Caniacs and remember the draft is only 195 days away!

Ahem. Sound of pitch pipe in background.

On the first day of Christmas, my Hurricanes sent to me a netminder named Manny

On the second day of Christmas, my Hurricanes sent to me two freak injuries and a netminder named Manny

On the third day of Christmas, my Hurricanes sent to me three fabulous Finns, two freak injures and a netminder named Manny

On the fourth day of Christmas, my Hurricanes sent to me four goals from E.Staal, three fabulous Finns, two freak injures and a netminder named Manny

On the fifth day of Christmas, my hurricanes sent to me five goals against, four goals from E.Staal, three fabulous Finns, two freak injuries and a netminder named Manny

On the sixth day of Christmas, my Hurricanes sent to me six overtime losses, five goals against, four goals from E.Staal, three fabulous Finns, two freak injuries and a netminder named Manny

On the seventh day of Christmas, my Hurricanes sent to me seven Olympic tryouts, six overtime losses, five goals against, four goals from E.Staal, three fabulous Finns, two freak injuries and a netminder named Manny

On the eighth day of Christmas, my Hurricanes sent to me eight expiring contracts, seven Olympic tryouts, six overtime losses, five goals against, four goals from E.Staal, three fabulous Finns, two freak injuries and a netminder named Manny

On the ninth day of Christmas, my Hurricanes sent to me nine nets a’gaping, eight expiring contracts, seven Olympic tryouts, six overtime losses, five goals against, four goals from E.Staal, three fabulous Finns, two freak injuries and a netminder named Manny

On the tenth day of Christmas, my Hurricanes sent to me ten bucks for parking, nine nets a’gaping, eight expiring contracts, seven Olympic tryouts, six overtime losses, five goals against, four goals from E.Staal, three fabulous Finns, two freak injuries and a netminder named Manny

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my Hurricanes sent to me eleven limping players, ten bucks for parking, nine nets a’gaping, eight expiring contracts, seven Olympic tryouts, six overtime losses, five goals against, four goals from E.Staal, three fabulous Finns, two freak injuries and a netminder named Manny

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my Hurricanes sent to me twelve points from Sutter, eleven limping players, ten bucks for parking, nine nets a’gaping, eight expiring contracts, seven Olympic tryouts, six overtime losses, five goals against, four goals from E.Staal, three fabulous Finns, two freak injuries and a netminder named Manny

Holy Moly What Do We Do Without Our Goalie?!

In probably the least surprising moment of the year thus far, the Canes dropped their 12th in a row to Columbus last night. But no one is talking about that today. Instead everyone is insanely concerned about the fate of our Campion Wardolie who was taken to the hospital after getting cut by Rick Nash's skate. Calamity Cam remains in the hospital and is out for, as JR put it, a "fairly long period of time." Ouch. My heart hurts.

Let us all take a moment to offer a prayer to the hockey gods (or the diety of your choice) for Cam's speedy recovery.

Ahem
Dear merciful and benevolent hockey gods,
I would like to apologize on behalf of all Canes' fans for our blatant disregard of your power and excellence. We shouldn't have cursed you when things didn't go our team's way. We had no right to complain when we lost guys to injury and suspension. How dare we assume we were going to excel this year? That is for you and you alone to decide. We admit we've sinned and we will do anything to repent for these mistakes. If there is anything I can do personally to right this wrong, just send me a sign. I will no longer make fun of E.Staal. I will call Creepie by his real name. I will stop making suggestive comments about Tripp's preferences. But please for the love of Gretzky, give us Cam back. We will never again take him for granted nor shall we question your power over the hockey world if you will give us this one small bit of hope. Amen.

As bad as the Cam in the hospital thing is, what may be even worse is that the fate of goaltending for the Carolina Hurricanes is in the hands of one Michael Leighton. Dear god. Is it too early to cue the locusts and the 7 horsemen? No? Ok I didn't think so. Now to be fair to Leights, he did do admirably well during Cam's absence last season, but that was a much shorter period of time and with a much less fragile hockey club. This is a horse of a different color and it's an ugly one. Leighton is inheriting a mess of a team that usually looks to Cam to be their saving grace. Sadly, I'm not entirely convinced that Leighton has the ability to deal with that situation. And neither Justin Peters nor Mike Murphy are ready to make the leap to NHL level goalie.

So, other than crying (and possibly some heavy drinking-NOTE I am not condoning alcoholism!) what do we do? Should Tripper come out of the press box and mind the nets again? Because I don't know if you knew this, but Tripp used to be a goaltender. Yup that's right, The Hurricane Siren-breaking news first. ;) Should Tommy B. come out of retirement and trade designer suits for Nike-Bauer pads? As fun as both of those options would be, I don't think they're all that realistic. And it's a shame because I had even figured out the perfect tagline John could use when Tripp made a big save-"and the little leprechaun snatches back his lucky charms!" Hehehe. Err...Tripp, I apologize, that was mean and largely uncalled for.

So back to the real world here...I could see one of two things happening.
Option 1-JR could do nothing and let Leighton fend for himself with guest appearances from Peters and Murphy as needed. This idea has some merit to it. The season is all but done (let's be honest here people-a MIRACLE would need to occur for this team to pull themselves out of the basement and we may have used up all of our miracles last season) and to make a desperate move to lock up a goaltender may do more harm than good. Why not let Leights earn his paycheck and prove whether he should be resigned next year or not? Is it really going to hurt our standings that much? FYI-we are in dead bang last so the answer is probably NO.

Option 2-JR could make one last ditch effort to get this team together and start their push for...29th? Ahhh...this appeasing the hockey gods thing isn't working so well for me today. He could trade for a current NHL goalie or bring someone in who doesn't have a team right now. Some suggestions-Manny Legace, Manny Fernandez or Kevin Weekes (JR LOVES TO RECYCLE!). I would still expect someone to get traded even if JR signed an out of work goalie. We are so close to the cap as it is that I don't think there would be room for anyone else (unless they are willing to work for delicious RBCC hotdogs and pulled pork sandwiches in which case-get them to Raleigh NOW).

Regardless of what happens with the goalie situation (Cam-heal like you've never healed before please) the rest of the team is going to need to step it up starting with the d-men. Cam will no longer be there to save their collective hineys and they cannot leave Leights hanging out to dry because he will fold like well...like wet laundry. And I think the D core goes the way of Timmy Gleason which leads me to my final thought for the day. I would like to officially endorse the Tim Gleason for Emperor campaign. Give that man a permanent A. Put him on the fast track for Captain. Heck maybe he and Sutter can co-coach the team while they're at it. (Thanks to Jenniwa30 for the picture.)

Carolina Drizzles Drop Another One

Well if there's one thing you can say about this team, it's that they're consistent. Unfortunately, it's consistently sucktastic and today was no exception. The addition of Binky and Ruu didn't help one iota. Not even Ray Whitney's 1000th game ceremony could cure them of being...well crappy. From top to bottom, they were outplayed, outworked and outhearted. And even the most diehard fans are left once again searching for a reason to cheer-something that should be clearly evident to management as there were almost as many empty seats as there were fans in the arena.

After a relatively decent 1st period (meaning they didn't give up 3 goals, pee themselves during the national anthem or hurt themselves coming over the boards), they just fell apart-physically, mentally, and emotionally (or maybe that was just me). But, in a continued effort to be positive, I will start with a few good things.

Good thing #1-BRANDON SUTTER. Period. Can we make him the first through third stars of the game? Heck why not throw captain and coach in there too? He continues to be the bright spot for all fans, especially this one, as he notched his second goal in as many games. For the record, he's tied for 5th on the team for goals scored behind only Cullen, Whitney, Staal and the Juice. Oh and he's only played 4 games. Yeah somehow I think he'll be around for a while. He has quite literally carried the offensive load for this team on his skinny little shoulders and frankly is the real deal. Hey Mo-here's a hint, don't wait until you're down by 2 before you move the best guy on the ice up a line. And yes, it was necessary to have two photos of his goal celebration mainly to make up for not having one yesterday. :)

Now-as for the rest of you. What in the name of god are you doing out there?!!! You're getting outplayed by a 20 year old kid who weighs 12.5 pounds. Man up all of you. Corvo, do us all a favor and either play like you want to be here or don't play at all. I'm firmly convinced A.Ward was sent here by the Bruins to enact revenge. Why else would he suddenly be SO bad and bring Yelle with him? Stop sucking A.Ward or I will totally let Scotty punch you again.

Cam. Dude. You know I love you right? Probably more than is normal for a strict goalie-fan relationship, but still, you have to know that you can practically do no wrong in my eyes. Well, you did wrong today. 5 goals worth of wrong, in fact. It's getting harder and harder to defend you especially when you don't stop ANYTHING glove side high. What is wrong with you? You aren't a new dad so you can't use that excuse. Where is the Cam from the second half of last season? I miss him. I want...nay I DEMAND him back. You've left me no choice, I had to take your Conn Smythe Trophy away. And you are now facing the wall with E.Staal sans stick. I will make you a dunce cap, don't push me Cam.

Speaking of dunce caps, Eric "I'm a pouter" Staal left the game with an upper body injury (maybe he went to see the Wizard of Oz for a heart-yeah low blow I know) and didn't return for the third period. At the risk of sounding harsh and unfeeling, my initial reaction was "so what?" Honestly, the team didn't look any different without him and there was some extra room on the bench so the guys could get good and comfy. I'd wish him a quick recovery, but chances are he'll play the next game, at less than 100% and be completely useless to us. So basically the norm.

I've had enough of the "the confidence just isn't there" and the ever present "we're getting better" baloney you feed us after the games. No more-I'm not buying it. It would be one thing if you were trying hard and the other teams were just better. But that's not the case; instead you're making the other teams better by not working hard. This isn't a systems issue or a confidence issue or even lucky bounce issue. It's a work ethic issue and it needs to be fixed now. If that means skating until you puke, then lace 'em up and pull out the buckets. If it takes trades to light a fire under your collective hiney, then make sure your bags are packed before you leave the house in the morning. If it means sitting superstars in favor of call-ups then enjoy the press box hot dogs and watch how it's done.

No matter what, this needs to turn around and turn around FAST. Because I don't know how much longer JR is going to sit and wait before he starts selling you off for parts. You're playing on borrowed time fellas as each game that goes by makes the playoffs, heck even a .500 season, more and more of a pipe dream. Get your act together boys. NOW.

All tricks, no treats, for Canes' fans

In an effort to properly celebrate All Hallows Eve, the Canes decided to put on one of their scariest (as in oh my god are we really that bad?!) performances to date. Seriously y’all, M.Night Shyamalan would have said, “umm…maybe we should tone this down a touch.” Despite all of their meetings and “practices”, the Canes continue to look lost out there. In fact, if they hadn’t spent so much time falling over, I’d say their performance was more befitting this team (courtesy of Jenniwa30):
Now before I really get going into full-on rant mode, I should take time to acknowledge a few positive things. First off in non-game related news, a belated congrats goes out to Michael Leighton and his wife on the arrival of their newest mini-Hurricane. It’s now only a matter of time before we can set up a “dads vs. kids” tournament.

Positive thing #2-Brandon scored his first goal of the season today!!! I feel pretty safe in saying it was the highlight of the game. So way to go Butter-make it impossible for them to send you back to Albany. Now if I could just find a photo of the post goal celebration...well maybe the actual video will just have to do.


And that’s pretty much the end of the positive things. Well wait, hang on. Scotty had a good game. And Joni had some nice defensive moments. And Cam looked really nice while he chilled on the bench basking in his good fortune to not have to deal with the sucktastic game taking place out on the ice. And…yes that’s about it.

I feel that with what I am about to say, I need to make a declaration first. For the record, I really like Leights; he is ten times better than Crumbs was and he has the added bonus of not being nearly as creepy. Ok now that that’s been cleared up…

My god, man what was that? 6 goals against? I mean seriously, at least half of them were stoppable and you looked shaky on every save. Some of it was your team playing figure skater in front of you, some of it was rust, and some of it was distraction I am sure. But still, you have to admit, things did not go well for you this afternoon. In fact, maybe Philly just isn’t a place you should play; you don’t have a good track record there. Actually, I don’t anticipate you playing much of anywhere for quite some time. It’s not you, it’s…no now that I think about it, some of it was definitely you.

Now as for the rest of the team, they don’t get off scot free either. Boys, I understand this isn’t how you wanted to start the season and things are tough for you right now. But for the love of the hockey gods, PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER!! Learn each others’ names and numbers, maybe spend some time together. You play like you’ve never even met each other before and that’s just unacceptable. You’re getting better, but at this rate, we’re going to need an 882 game season to get where we need to be. Please figure this whole thing out quickly no matter how you have to do it (yes hot tubs may need to be involved and you know what-fans won’t question things that bring about results). Because if you don’t, big changes are going to happen and you may wake up one morning to find that your BFF is now rocking another jersey. And no one wants to break up friendships, least of all JR.

Ok so what are the positives here? Well the month of October is officially over for the Hurricanes and if things go according to plan, they may be able to get a fresh start tomorrow. Players, and fans, can all just pretend that the season starts on November 1st and we can put this whole mess behind us. Doesn’t that sound good? Tomorrow marks the return of Ruu from his 3 game timeout. That, coupled with the return of Tim “I’m going to expletive deleted you up” Gleason, may not be enough to right the ship on its own, but it sure will make watching them lose less painful for the ladies in the house. But what may be most important to the direction of this hockey club is the return of E.Staal’s human security blanket. Binky…errr…I mean E.Cole may be the spark our franchise player needs to show up on a semi-regular basis and start earning that ridiculously large paycheck.

If the Canes are to even sniff the playoffs this season, changes need to be made; whether those come from the players themselves or from the man holding the reigns in the front office remains to be seen. All I know is that this cannot continue, if only for the sake of my emotional and mental health.

A House of Horrors

Things are bad in Raleigh; in fact, there may not be words strong enough to describe how bad they actually are. This would be a perfect time for a classic rant. However, I’m not going to rant because it will be ugly and feelings will get hurt. People will sulk and refuse to sit next to me at lunch. Team morale will suffer and since it’s already almost nonexistent, I’m just going to leave the rant for later. But fair warning-if this losing streak reaches double digits, there WILL be ranting. And everyone will be fair game, even Leights.

So instead of a rant, I’m going to write little inspirational notes utilizing the compliment sandwich theory (compliment-bad thing-compliment) for each player. Maybe they can put them up in their lockers or tape them to the bathroom mirror; whatever it takes. And I’m off…

Dear Calamity Cam,
Good thing-you are singlehandedly keeping your team in most of these games. Bad thing-ummm…oh I’ve got one. You need to stay in the net-there were some bad puckhandling moments last night, let’s stop those. Good thing-you’re super adorable. Wait, what? I can’t use that one? Oh fine, I’ll pick something else. Your shootout skills have improved something fierce. Keep it up.

Dear E.Staal,
Oh this one’s going to be tough. Good thing-your practice with the Capital City Crew was really cute and you showed some real personality. Bad thing-I don’t even know where to start…let’s go with your play during actual games. Yeah that sums it up pretty well. Oh and you’ve racked up 34 penalty minutes. Temper tantrums are never pretty, even Parker knows that and he’s only a few months old. And neither is whatever this is. >>>>
Good thing-you’re a new dad and there will always be someone who thinks you’re the best even when fans want to kill you.

Dear A.Ward,
Good thing-you seriously upped the team’s hottie quotient when you got traded here. Bad thing-you have looked like a fool multiple times the past few games; you’re second on the team for worst +/- with a -6. Dude…what's up with that? I thought you were supposed to be a jedi master of defense. Oh I need another good thing huh? Good thing-you umm…block shots?

Dear Sammy,
Oh Sammy. Good thing…this is tough. Oh wait, I’ve got one. You obviously have paid your debt to the hockey gods and are no longer getting called for phantom penalties. YAY! Bad thing-so many to choose from. You’re a team worst -7, won’t shoot (don’t be Joni, please) even if your life depended on it and stickhandle yourself into turnover after turnover. Good thing-I really like you when you wear your glasses. Super cute. Yes I know, that’s a weak one, but come on…

Dear Timmy,
Good thing-you are our best fighter hands down and have registered some assists already. Bad thing-you’re hurt and we need you; plus our hottie quotient took a HUGE dip now that you’re in the press box. Good thing-We really really really miss you. Which is more than we could say for some of your teammates.

Dear Ruu,
Good thing-your fans still love you. We will still RUUUUUU and defend you against crazy people who think you and your brother are the same person. Bad thing-this suspension thing is kind of a detriment to the team and you screwed up royally. Good thing-there is only one more game left in your punishment and then you’ll be back!

Dear E.Cole,
Good thing-ummm...well that game you played was good. :shrugs: Bad thing-E.Staal really misses his human security blanket and while you are an exceptionally fast healer, you need to pop a few extra vitamin D supplements because he’s going downhill fast. Good thing-your birthday is coming up soon! Maybe we could celebrate the big 3-1 with a big win over Toronto? Please?

Dear Scotty,
Good thing-you are leading the team in +/- with a +6. Dude...how in the name of god are you a +6? You are the only + on the whole team. Kudos man, kudos. Bad thing-you still don’t have your teeth in during the games, which is totally cool. Except that when they show you on the bench spitting water through a 4 inch gap, I end up with nightmares. Good thing-you have the entire fanbase rooting for you and your family. We want to get you that Cup.

Dear Roddy,
Good thing-you’re only a -3. Last season at this time you were like a -42 so that’s a step in the right direction. Bad thing-you’re all over the board when it comes to FO%. That’s your thing man. Don’t let it go. Good thing-you have looked good so far. Faster, more agile, and you knocked the “kids” out of the water during fitness testing. Rod the Bod has returned.


Dear Creepie (aka Joni-I told you these were personalized),
Good thing-you’re shooting a little more which is nice. Bad thing-you’re Creepie. Do I really need to go into detail? Yes? Ok fine. You float during practice and during games. You can’t skate without touching your nose with your tongue. It’s weird Joni. Good thing-your chemistry with your fellow Finns is still there which makes another Shock at the Rock a constant possibility.

Dear Harrison and TKO,
Sorry you don’t get separate ones, but you’re almost the same person in my mind-do something to stand out. Grow a Mike Commodore ‘fro. Show up to games in a full on pink suit. Refuse to answer to anything other than “McLovin”. I don’t know. Something, anything. Good thing-Harrison, you took Patty Eaves’s number and his spot on my imaginary Gillette Razor Line. He left a teacup sized hole and you are filling it nicely. Bad thing-turnovers. Good thing-TKO’s name provides us with endless funny and derogatory nickname possibilities.

Dear Albe,
Good thing-you are HUGE. Tripp will finally be able to use that word properly. Bad thing-you’re a tad slow in the skating department, which is bad because hockey is played on ice. Good thing-you’re helping the hottie quotient. Protect that face dude, it’s your ticket into the good graces of the female fans.

Dear Ray,
Good thing-your little body lasted 1000+ games! Whoop whoop! Bad thing-you still refuse to hit anyone. Is it written into your contract or something? Good thing-you are seriously one of the only offensive tools we’ve got going right now. So thank you.

Dear Yelle,
Good thing-you cleared waivers and get to stay with a team that doesn’t really want you. Oh wait...I guess that’s more of a bad thing. Ummm...you’re an even +/- which is pretty hard to come by on this team. Bad thing-well you were put on waivers so that should say something right there. Good thing-you like to block shots. And most of our guys are made of glass so that’s always appreciated.

Dear Chad and Matt,
Yes you guys get a joint message too. Mainly because you seem to be glued at the hip. Good thing-you have some serious PK chemistry that is a thing of beauty when it’s clicking. Bad thing-7 points and a -8 between the two of you. Ouch. Oh and you get a major penalty for inflicting the hot tub story on all of us. Good thing-you are generally one of the highlights of the Ask the Canes segments.

Dear Jussi,
Good thing-you picked up where you left off during the postseason. YAY! Bad thing-a -5 is never pretty. Good thing-you are like a cross between the Jonster and Ruutu which is great for people who want more Finn than Ruutu provides, but less Finn than what Joni breaks out.

Dear Jose Cuervo,
Good thing-you are slowly morphing into our PP pointman and the Corvo Cannon is gaining a reputation. Bad thing-you miss the net more times than you hit it. AIM. Good thing-ummmm...I’m scared of you. Your moodiness and tattoos scream “stay away from me” so I will.



Dear Conboy,
Good thing-your roster photo is actually pretty nice this year. Bad thing-your fighting skills still leave something to be desired. Good thing-you take some of the pressure off of Timmy and Scotty in that department. Oh one more bad thing-don’t start ill-timed fights again. Mo doesn’t like it.

Dear Nicky,
Good thing-3 assists and only a -2? Rock on dude. We may just get you in an ASG yet. Bad thing-you get lost a lot. Which lets the other team score. That makes Cam angry which makes me sad. Good thing-you haven't missed a game yet which is pretty impressive for you. Keep taking those multivitamins.

Dear Leights,
Good thing-your new hat looks really nice and you’re doing a great job opening and closing the door to the bench. Bad thing-ummm...you could cheer a little harder I guess. Good thing-you are without a doubt one of the nicest guys on the team. Keep working hard during practice, supporting your teammates and throwing pucks to the little kids. It makes me like you.

Now who am I forgetting....oh that’s right!

Dear Brandon,
Good thing-you’re here! The weather in Raleigh has got to be nicer than Albany this time of year (or really at any point in the year). I’m thinking that the locker room is nicer and so are the travel arrangements. Bad thing-a minus 3 in only two games isn’t so hot little buddy. Good thing-did I mention you’re here? Oh I did. You’ve played really well and are outshining some of the vets. Oh and you don’t even fall over during faceoffs anymore. Plus you’re ADORABLE. And I can’t resist adorable.

Everybody Loves Raymond

In honor of Ray Whitney’s 1000th NHL game tomorrow night, I thought it would be appropriate to offer up a tribute to everyone’s favorite mighty mite with the awesome hair (check out his roster photo-it looks he just stuck a spoon in a light socket). But this won’t be an ordinary tribute filled with touching emotional anecdotes about what he means to a team. Nor will there be stats (remember-I really dislike stats). Instead, I’m going to focus on the humorous and ridiculous-which I think Ray would appreciate.

The 5’10” Whitney…wait what? There is no way that man is 5’10”. You can’t be that tall and get picked up by Chad LaRose. I’m sorry it just wouldn't happen. They must have measured him with his skates on, so I’m going to adjust that number accordingly. The 5’7 ½” Whitney is chock full of personality whether he’s mugging for the camera during Tripp’s pre-game interview (don't lie, you know it's your favorite part of the interview) or wise cracking during an Ask the Canes segment. It would be hard to find a better quote source than the Wizard and I’ve pulled together some of his best ones. So sit back and get ready to laugh.
When asked how long he would be able to ride a bull, Ray answered:

"Till they showed me the bull. That’s all. That’s how long I would last. I went to the bull riding, that’s not for me. I’m about as big as those guys are, but they’re a lot bigger in one other area than me."

When asked what he’s afraid of, Ray quipped:

"Chad LaRose coming into the shower when I’m in there."

(I wonder how he’d feel about hot tubbing…)

Speaking of hot tubs, here’s Ray’s take on what the team needs to do in order to avoid that pesky flu bug:

"Well I could shower a little bit more. I’m going to try some hygienic things first to see if they work. The hugging after goals-you might bring it down a touch. The male bonding in the lockerroom; maybe the hot tubbing could come down a little bit. Yeah-the hugging and frolicking around the locker room could probably come down a touch."

(I think some of the guys need a refresher course in Ray’s Healthy Lifestyle Tips, including Ray. That's a lot of man love dude.)

In response to a question about creating a New Year's resolution for his teammates, Ray expressed some concern over a certain player's training regimens:

"Oh there’s a few out here. I think Rod Brind’amour should start training a little bit. Because he’s starting to get a little soft."

(If you listen carefully, you can hear Rod kicking Ray's butt with only his eyelashes.)

But Ray's sense of humor doesn't stop at the expense of his teammates, he even pokes fun at his wife, like when asked what she wanted for Christmas:

"Ah I don’t know, but I know it’s going to be expensive."

But then again, I think she probably gives it right back to him. Her answer to the same question:

"Steve Yzerman"

(Am I the only that thinks they'd be the most entertaining player-wife duo to hang out with?)

The Wizard had this to say when asked which Disney character he would be:

"Oh it’s gonna be someone short. I’m going to go with Mr. Incredible" :winks:

(Personally I like Matt Cullen's choice of Lord Farquaad from Shrek to represent Mr. Whitney-come on, admit it, he's almost a dead ringer.)

Finally, one last thought from the little dude. When asked what his 1000th game meant to him, Ray dead panned:

"Expensive gifts."

(Yeah Ray, I'm sure the boys are all chipping in to buy you something special.)

So tomorrow night when you're settling in to watch the game, make sure to give your Ray Whitney doll (hey even Babchuk has one!) a good seat on the couch. Hopefully, his 1000th game will be fondly remembered as a Canes' victory.

A picture is worth a thousand words

Inspired by the emotionally scarring story Tripp told last night, Jenniwa30 put together this little beauty.

I don't think I really need to add anything to this because well...it kind of speaks for itself. But it's safe to say that Matt and Rosey have learned a very valuable lesson from this-don't share personal stories with Tripp unless you're prepared for the backlash.

Great work Jenniwa30! You keep making them and I'll keep posting them-it may have to become a regular feature. :)

Canes Sink Like A Rock

Things were looking up for the Canes. The Jonster was back in the lineup to complete the Finnish trifecta. Staal had an extra few days of sitting on his butt to heal whatever it is that ails him. The team had finally played something resembling their game against Pittsburgh. New Jersey had played the night before and gotten manhandled by Atlanta. What could go wrong right? Oh if only we had known.

But in an effort to ward off the gloom and doom, we'll start with the high points. Let's see, there weren't many...Cam had a great night. Borderline Camtastic in fact. He turned himself inside out trying to keep his team in the game.
So Cam-we love you. Just remember that. But if you want to yell at your teammates a little, it's ok, I understand completely.

Albe-way to go kicking Clarkson's butt. And that pretty much sums up the high points. I told you there weren't many.

*****We interrupt your regularly scheduled blog for this important message. An Amber Alert has been issued for Eric Staal. He is 6'4" and rumored to be a NHL All Star. Please contact Paul Maurice with any information on his location. We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.*****

Yeah that's right, E.Staal is in a "slump" and remained almost invisible tonight, finishing a -2 and rocking a miserable 35% success rate in the faceoff circle. Eric, please read what I'm about to write carefully-take a lesson from Joni and either heal or don't play. Simple as that. I know you love playing injured and all, but your iron man streak does you no good if you spend the whole game floating. There is no shame in sitting out a game (or five). But what there is shame in is being bad (and not accepting it) and you've been bad the past few games. I've turned your bobblehead around (and separated it from the others) in the hope that it will teach you a lesson. The dunce hat will remain perched upon your little noggin until you get your act together. Don't make me take your stick away.

To add insult to injury (wait-strike that, reverse it), our d-men kept dropping like flies tonight. A.Ward-heal quickly and don't lift anything heavy. Timmy-wear a visor from now on; we need you. But on the bright side, chicks dig scars. Nicky-from now on, keep your head up.

Now for a semi-regular feature:
Did Tripp Really Just Say That?!
Tripp always finds a way to share interesting (and usually awkward) tidbits about the players' personal lives, but he took that aspect of color commentary one step too far tonight when he tossed out a peppy little anecdote about how Cullen and Rosey spent a little bonding time in a hot tub. At a spa. I think I speak for all of Caniac Nation when I say ew. I'm not even going to touch the logistics of that little field trip, mainly because I have to sleep at some point tonight and just can't handle the nightmares.

I don't know what needs to be done to get this team winning on a semi-regular basis (although the PP might be a good place to start), but the coaches need to figure it out quickly. I know it's still early in the season, but the Canes are currently 2-4-1 and have yet to win against a playoff caliber team. We've missed the playoffs by just a few points in the past so this situation is feeling uncomfortably familiar. They have a three day break until taking on the Islanders in Long Island. There better be some serious work done in practice the next few days because this kind of game isn't going to cut it much longer.

As always, but with slightly less gusto than usual, LET'S GO CANES!

Welcome!

Welcome to The Hurricane Siren! This blog was born out of a serious obsession with all things Canes (and hockey) related. Oh and a boycott of a certain league sponsored fan site due to its reinvention as a Myspace/Facebook spawn. They need to learn that if it ain't broke, it shouldn't be fixed.

I've been a fan of the Carolina Hurricanes since 2006 when I moved to the Triangle and a little thing called Lord Stanley took up temporary residence. Since then, I've become more and more fascinated with the team and the sport. As is the case for every fan, I go through the highs and lows of an 82+ game season right along with my team. But no matter how bad things get (and they've been bad), I will never stop supporting the boys in red.

I'll tackle everything from the Canes' struggles/successes to random hockey stuff from around the league to my fantasy team's woes (exhibit A-Johan Franzen's early trip to the IR). I'll even check in with the baby Canes up in Albany as they've started the season very successfully.

There will be some sarcasm (actually chances are there will be a lot of sarcasm) so be prepared. If things are going especially poorly with the boys rocking the sightless eye, then there will be some ranting. I'm not a "strict numbers and stats" kind of gal so expect some random (and largely humorous) stuff every once in a while. Also fair warning, don't be surprised if, every now and then, I take a detour that focuses on some of the...finer aspects of certain players.

The Canes are hightailing it up to the Swamp...errr the lovely and welcoming confines of New Jersey today after a pretty successful showing against the team that must not be named (no I am not over the Eastern Conference Finals and I may never be). It's probably safe to assume that Brodeur and company have not forgotten the Shock at the Rock, so the Canes need to be prepared for a tough game. But I feel pretty confident in saying that if they play the way they did for the majority of the game against Pittsburgh they should get their first road win of the season tomorrow night. So until then, LET'S GO CANES!!!!!!