Andrew Alberts:
I resolve to continue to fly under the radar in the hopes that people won't hate me as much as they do A.Ward.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 8-no one could ever hate him as much as they do A.Ward, but he may not escape Caniac wrath forever.)
Rod Brind'amour:
I resolve to retire gracefully at the end of the season to spare fans and teammates the awkwardness of my continued presence on the 4th line.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 2-we all know Rod will be carried kicking and screaming from the rink. But there is always the hope and promise of a new year.)
Brett Carson:
I resolve never to return to Albany. It's cold up there and I don't like riding buses.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 6-Corvo's eventual return will make it harder for Carson to stick, but there is always the potential for certain defensemen who shall remain nameless to be struck with the "flu" come gamedays.)
Erik Cole:
I resolve to spend less time hanging with E.Staal and more time shaving/healing.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 3-Binky loves him some E.Staal.)
Joe Corvo:
I resolve to return to the game as soon as possible with a positive attitude and cheerful disposition.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 6-he may heal quickly, but Jose Cuervo is neither positive nor cheerful.)
Matt Cullen:
I resolve to no longer take hot tub trips with my teammates. Or at the very least make sure Tripp doesn't find out about them.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 4-TRIPP KNOWS ALL!)
Patrick Dwyer:
I resolve to practice my “falling with grace” face. Oh and to keep on the lookout for flying hockey players. (Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 8-chances are he’ll be able to avoid Steve Ott for a while, but there’s no guarantee that he is even safe during practice with the A squad out there and all.)Tim Gleason:
I resolve to continue being fan-freaking-tastic. I also resolve to knock Ovenchicken on his [keister] the next time he acts like a [punk]. (Note-this content has been edited for language.)
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 10. It’s Tim Gleason. Enough said. GLEASON FOR EMPEROR!)
Jussi Jokinen:
I resolve to show those jokers over at Team Finland what they’re missing as I make goalies look foolish night after night.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 9-the Staal-Cullen-Jokinen line is pure money for the Canes right now and Jokinen is a huge part of that. Note-one point was deducted because there is the chance that a spot may open up for the Juice.)
Tom K-something:
I resolve to decisively win a fight before the season ends.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 3-we’ve seen what TKO has to offer in the fight department and well I think the proof is in the pudding…errr video:
Chad LaRose:
I resolve to heal quickly and start earning that ridonkulous amount of money I’ve got coming to me.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 4-almost no one is earning their money this season, ridonkulous amounts or otherwise.)
Manny Legace:
Editors note-Unfortunately, Manny could not be reached for comment as he was far too short to reach the pen.
Joni Pitkanen:
I resolve to stop skating with my tongue sticking out. It’s dangerous and makes me look like Stitch from that Disney movie.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 1. It’s his thing. It’s weird and creepy, but it’s his thing.)
Tuomo Ruutu:
I resolve to teach Tripp the proper meaning of sisu or get him to stop saying it altogether.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 5-he’ll try, but we’re talking about Tripp and therefore he may be too late.)
Sergei Samsonov:
I resolve to no longer stickhandle for an eon before either shooting it into the goalie's logo or passing it to a teammate who’s long since fallen asleep from boredom.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale from 1 to 10: 2.5-he didn’t get the nickname “Happy Hands” because of his proficiency in the time honored art of jazz hands and spirit fingers.)
Eric Staal:
I resolve to no longer pout when a call does not go my way. Instead I will hustle to get back in the play and help my team.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 3-maybe Stevie Y. can beat it out of him during the Olympics, but I’m not holding my breath.)
Brandon Sutter:
I resolve to do nothing but eat over the Olympic break in an effort to gain some weight so that I don’t look like four toothpicks tied in the middle.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 4-he may eat, but he won’t gain any weight.)
Scott Walker:
I resolve to punch Aaron Ward in the other eye in hopes of fixing him.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: in reality, probably a 1, but in terms of desire it’s at least a 100.)
Niclas Wallin:
I resolve to relish in the fact that I am no longer the scapegoat when things go wrong on defense. Woo hoo!
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 9-with A.Ward on the team, Wallin’s naysayers have found a new target and rightfully so. But what happens if we manage to dump A.Ward?)
Cam Ward:
I resolve to continue my career year in terms of points-3 assists and counting.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 7-with 3 points in 24 games played, he’s already doing better than the big Swede and Yelle.)
Aaron Ward:
I resolve to no longer take a penalty in the defensive zone then stop playing once I've been caught for it allowing the opposing team to have a top notch scoring chance.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: -17 which oddly enough is his actual +/-. Huh. Go figure.)
Ray Whitney:
I resolve to be slightly less of a media tramp and play hard to get during interviews.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 0-I think Ray Whitney may actually translate into “seeks attention” in other languages.)
Stephane Yelle:
I resolve to infuse youth and speed into the fourth line.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 7-Yelle’s 34 years on this planet make him the youngest member of the Geritol line, but no amount of infusing is going to help that bunch regain their stride.)
Paul Maurice:
I resolve to have my ties match my team’s play.
(Chances of actually accomplishing this on a scale of 1 to 10: 9-Mo’s ties are ugly and on most nights so is the hockey being played over at Edwards Mill Road.)
Happy New Year Caniacs! Let's hope 2010 is kinder to our boys!
