Quick question to all those reading this: what had you accomplished by the time you were 19? No, figuring out the best beer pong strategy for next Friday night does not count. Keep thinking. Do you have something? Is it really good? Well how's this for perspective: by the time Jeff Skinner turned 19, he'd been drafted into the NHL, played in the All-Star Game, played an entire NHL season as the youngest player in the league, scored 63 points and won the Calder Trophy as Rookie of the Year. Yeah. So about your accomplishment...well we'll just move on.
Caniacs were already beyond thrilled to have Skinner as part of the organization and moments like Wednesday night only heightened SkinnerMania in the Triangle. Hockey fans are crazy for all things Skinner and if there's one thing we value here at the Siren, it's giving the people what they want....even if they are completely made up. So it gives me great pleasure to announce that the Siren has obtained an exclusive, detailed and completely made up report of Jeff's time in Las Vegas. Excited? Yeah me too! And wait, the best part is yet to come. This exclusive, detailed and completely made up report of Jeff's time in Las Vegas is written by none other than Jeff Skinner himself! *insert girlish squealing here* Alright settle down now. Without further ado, here is Jeff's essay about his time in Vegas.
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That's me!
How I Spent My Time in Vegas
By: JeffJeffrey Jeff Skinner
Hi! It's Jeff. I'm in Las Vegas and it's so cool here!! There are all these lights and realy big hotels and I have the biggest bathroom ever! It's even bigger than the suana sauna (that's a tricky word!) that we went...oh. Mom says I'm not allowed to talk about that. Yeah I brought my whole family with me because Mom said I couldn't come to "Sin City" (she always says it like it did something naughty) without them here and I really wanted to come and so I had to let them and they're staying at the palms too. They aren't all staying in my room though because I'm a big kid now and I'm not scared without them. But we have one of those doors in the middle of the room just in case they need me for sumthin. I also brought Jamie with me since mom and dad both said I could bring a freind. I like Bainer. He's fun.
The Playboy Pool at the Palms
The hotel is really neat. You can order roomservice whenever you want! I had chicken nuggets last night real late. They were tasty and shaped like the little bunnies I sometimes see on my brother's maguhzines. Me and Bainer also had Fruit Loops for brekfast on Wedesday. Shhh...don't tell coach mo-we're not supposed to eat that stuff at home. There's also a pool here. I wanted to go but Mom said I couldn't becuz it was full of bunnies. I don't get it. I like bunnies-they're fluffy. But I didn't think they liked to swim.
We got here on Tuesday and then I went to talk to some reporters. It was ok. Most of them are nice. They kept asking me about this kid named Justin. I looked but I didn't see his name on the list of people nomininimated. Grown-ups are wierdweird wierd After I finished talking to the reporters I really wanted to ride these curvy boats in the river inside one of the hotels (how did they get a river INSIDE the hotel?) but no one wanted to come with me. Not even Bainer and he promised to hang out with me and not go to the casino becuze I cant. Instead he wanted to go to see the X-Men. I realy like the X-Men Wolverine is my favorite when I was a little kid I had a backpack with his picture on it but I dont use it any more. Mom and dad agreed to let us go by our selves as long as we were carefull when we crossed the street.
But when we got there there weren't any people our age. It was all these grown-up girls like my mom's age. I asked Bainer if the X-men were coming later and then this lady asked us if we were lost and then Jamie realized our tickets were for something called Men of X which I guess isnt the same thing as the X-Men so we had to leave. I was real sad but Bainer promised the next day would be more fun. I wasnt sure becuz I had to wear a suit and I dont like suits.
"The forward goes around the back of the
net and shoots the puck through the
five hole."
On Wednsday I woke up real tired I didnt sleep good becuz I was nervous about the wards cerimony. But mom made me get up way to early so bainer and me got to go to the acwarium where Dori and Nemo live! It was fun. They let me touch a starfish and I saw some dolfins. Then I went back to the hotel to get dressed in my grown-up suit. I had trouble tieing my tie, but I got it. Im glad the 17 people picked the regular suit the other ones were kind of weird looking and one of them was itchy.
Hi Gammie!
All of my brothers and sisters were sitting with my mom and dad and Bainer and me. We were all really nervus. But when they said I won we were all real excited. Mom hugged me so tight I couldnt breathe anymore! The trofy they gave me was really heavy and when I took out the paper with everyones name on it, I couldn't read it because Bainer had colored on it! Then I had to talk to the reporters again no one talked about that Justin guy so I guess he didn't win. Mom took a picture of me with the big trophy for my Gammie.
I couldnt go to the grown-up party since they only had grown up fruit punch and games I cant play. But we still had fun we went and saw the Blue Men. They played these giant drums and got covered in paint. Do they know the green men in Vancouver? I bet they're cousins. Bainer and me got to stay up real late and watch movies (but mom made dad take the remote away when we found a channel called "payperview") and I had extra dessert at dinner. But I couldn't eat out of the trophy since mom said it would be to messy.
We had to go home the next day but I got to have smiley face pancakes for breakfast so it was ok. They were real tasty and I got to have chocolate milk with them to. Yum! I had a lot of fun in Vegas and it was real special to win the Calder Trophy. My face hurts from smiling for so many pictures. I kinda wish I coulda played with those big gumball machines in the cahseno but dad said maybe next time. Does that mean I get to do this every year?!
(auditorium is completely dark except for the light from a playing video)
(voiceover) Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your hosts, presenters and possibly the only people from the team in attendance tonight: TV voice of the Carolina Hurricanes, John Forslund and…Tripp Tracy? (mumbling and loud whispering)This is going to be a disaster.
(John makes his way to the center of the stage with Tripp eagerly trotting behind him)
Forslund: Welcome everyone! (Tripp waves at the crowd)We’re so glad to be here tonight…it’s a real privilege to be the hosts of the 2010-2011 Carolina Hurricanes’ Awards Ceremony, right Tripp? (Tripp nods vigorously, John gives him an odd look)Tripp you’re awfully quiet tonight, what’s going on?
Tripp: Well John, I heard about this game called (Tripp makes air quotes) Tripp Tracy Bingo and I want to refrain from making food references; talking about Eric Staal or Cam Ward; mentioning players’ families, friends, wives, girlfriends, and pets; saying the words huge, consequence, watershed, groin, sauna, hot tub or time and space. And I certainly don’t want to mention that I used to be a netminder.
(Audience member jumps up)BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rest of audience: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
(photo appears on screen behind John and Tripp; screaming comes from the audience)
It's a prize no one wants to win, but everyone wants to give.
Forslund (looks behind him, jumps): Holy…Gretzky. Ummm…please everyone just remain calm! We will fix this momentarily.
(A different photo appears behind John and Tripp)
Audience: AWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Forslund: (exhales)Alright everyone, let’s just move along and get down to business. We’re here this evening to honor the best and brightest (and occasionally the most embarrassing) moments of the Hurricanes’ season. And what a year it was! From starting the season in Helsinki (no need to mention that little pit stop in Old Mother Russia) to the All-Star Game, this season has been filled with memory-making moments for Caniacs!
Tripp: That’s right Johnny! All of these experiences were great for fans, but the team enjoyed them just as much. It all started with a great trip overseas and a visit to Sauna Island…
(Tripp’s mic cuts out; camera swings to other side of stage where Chuck Kaiton stands looking nervous)
Kaiton: Thatwasquitetheintroductionrightfolks? (nervous laughter from the audience)There’ssomethingthrillingaboutbeingabletowitnessandcalleveryoneoftheCarolinaHurricanes’goalsthisseason. Somanyhavestoodoutasgreatorimportantorpretty. Butonestoodoutamongallofthe235otherones. Itgivesmegreatpleasuretopresentthe2010-2011bestgoalawardto...
(highlights play on video screen behind Chuck; crowd goes crazy)
(camera swings to other side of stage where John stands at a microphone)
John: I've had the privilege of watching some outstanding moments during my time with this team. I've watched them slay playoff giants, pick each other up in the hardest of times and, of course, win it all in 2006. (crowd roars) All of these moments have been emotional; every season has its heartwarming, tearjerking, heart-string pulling moments and this year was no exception. I'm here to present the award for the most emotional moment of the season. This year's nominees are two moments that, while seemingly very different, are actually very alike. First we have Cam Ward's post-game interview from a game against Boston in November. It was one like any other, the Canes' won the game behind a shutout from their goaltender who had become a father for the first time only days earlier.
(Audience members are shown dabbing their eyes with tissues)
Forslund: Our next nominee was a moment meant to honor a man who, during his time as a member of the Carolina Hurricanes, gave all of himself every time he took the ice. On a night in February, we honored Rod Brind'Amour's exceptional NHL career and there was not a dry eye in the house.
(Tripp is shown openly weeping backstage)
And the award goes to... (John opens the envelope) Rod Brind'Amour night!
(crowd greets this news with a standing ovation)
(voiceover) At a ceremony earlier this evening, the awards for best goal reaction captured on film and best dressed NHL coach were presented. Please take a moment to honor this photo for perfectly capturing the pure joy that comes with scoring a big goal:
Also please acknowledge Tommy Barrasso's extraordinary style while working the bench:
(crowd applauds politely. Camera catches Tripp pointing at the photo and giggling.)
Forslund: What's so funny Tripp?
Tripp: Look at Skinner's face!
Forslund (looks and smiles) Yes that young man does make an odd face or two. In fact, during his rookie season, he's made enough funny faces that we've added a new award, the Funniest Skinner Face award.
Tripp: That's right! There were a lot of nominees this year. I mean a lot. More nominees than members of the Harvard men's hockey team. More than windows in Eric's house. More than... (John cuts in)
Forslund: Ok Tripp. Why don't we announce the winner? This year's Funniest Skinner Face is this beauty from warm-ups against the Tampa Bay Lightning.
Forslund: That kid brought a lot of life to this team didn't he? I'm not sure there's anything he can't do.
Tripp: What about fight Johnny?
Forslund: You know Tripp, I don't think we ever saw him really drop the gloves this season and we had a few guys that did with frequency.
Tripp: That we did. There's no shortage of guys on this team ready to drop the gloves for a teammate...some are just more successful than others and the next two awards reflect that. First up, the award for best fighter. Michigan native Tim Gleason has won this award in the past, but this year a new player took on the roll of Rocky for the team. (The words "Hollywood Reference" flash on the screen behind Tripp; audience members search their cards for the right square.) The award for Best Fighter goes to Troy Bodie this year!
"I whip my hair back and forth."
Forslund: Just so everyone is aware, to be eligible for this next award, a player has to still be a part of the team which means, unfortunately, Tom Kostopoulos was out of the running this year. But, lucky for us a new player stepped up to gamely drop the gloves and end up dazed and confused
Tripp: Oh hey! That's a Hollywood reference Johnny!
(audience members scan their cards for a "Tripp references a Hollywood reference" square)
Forslund: Yes Tripp, I suppose it is. (John mouths "HELP ME" at the camera) Anyways, this year's worst fighter award goes to Brandon Sutter for this...scrap? tussle? hissy fight? against Eric Brewer.
Forslund: (snickers) Wowza. That kid just should not fight. It's not one of his talents.
Tripp: No John it's not. Not everyone is a born fighter and you just can't teach that innate ability. You know what else you can't teach?
Forslund: (sighs) What Tripp?
Tripp: You just can't teach... (audience inhales sharply, pens are poised over bingo cards) the ability to grow a mustache. (Audience groans in disappointment)
Forslund: No I suppose you can't...your 2010-2011 Best Mustache winner is Brandon Sutter's SutterStache.
"If you think I'm sexy..."
(voiceover) Ladies and gentlemen, please stay in your seats during this brief commercial break.
(John stands on stage looking solemn)
Forslund: Unfortunately, Tripp isn't going to be able to join me for this particular award presentation. However, we are very lucky to have a guest presenter for this category who has special insight into the criteria to win this award. Joining me in presenting the award for Best Bromance is....Eric Staal.
(Eric Staal does, in fact, walk onto the stage and is greeted by much applause from the audience. Eric gives a glance over his shoulder and nervously whispers to John.)
Staal: He's not coming out here right? I just present this award and can leave? (John nods, Staal turns to the camera. He's clearly uncomfortable and reads robotically. He keeps glancing over his shoulder.) I have had many great friends while on this team. They have been fun and we've been very close. Some may even call these friendships bromances.
Forslund: This year's nominees for Best Bromance are:
Joe Corvo and Erik Cole
Jeff Skinner and Erik Cole
Brandon Sutter and Chad LaRose
Erik Cole and Tim Gleason
Chad LaRose and Tim Gleason
Staal (still glancing over his shoulder): Wow. That's a lot of great nominees, but only one bromance can win. And the winner is (opens envelope) Jeff Skinner and Erik Cole!
(Staal vaults off the stage and runs out the back door just as Tripp comes back on stage.)
Tripp: What was all the commotion about?
Forslund: Nothing Tripp let's move on to the next award. As broadcasters, we both know that sometimes post-game quotes are tough to get so when we get a really good one from a player, it's refreshing. In the past players like Tim Gleason and Manny Legace have given us great soundbites. This year's winner comes from the land of Suomi and reindeer. Tuomo Ruutu wins this category with his post-game quote from a game against the Washington Capitals.
There were some plays that we weren't so happy about, you know, hate to start bitching...
Tripp: That Tuomo always knows exactly what to say. It's a gift I tell you. I wish I had it...
Forslund: I do too Tripp. Trust me, I do too.
Tripp: (looks puzzled, but shrugs it off) You know it gives me great pleasure to introduce a very special guest presenter for this next award. Being a former netminder myself...oh shoot. I wasn't supposed to mention that.
Forslund: Please welcome Tom Barrasso!
Barrasso: (comes to the microphone) Thank you for having me here today. As Vladislav Tretiak once said, "there is no position in sport as noble as goaltending." A goaltender is the last line of defense, the last thing that stands between a win or a loss for his teammates. Oftentimes, the goaltender is the make or break position and when they stand on their head to make a save, fans get on their feet in appreciation. Carolina's goaltenders made a lot of great saves this season, but this one from Cam Ward stands out above the rest and fans recognized this.
(A Ward-o chant starts in the audience; Forslund comes back on stage)
Forslund: Thank you Tommy! What a great save from Cam right ladies and gentlemen? He was a star this year for the Hurricanes, but fans have come to expect nothing less. This next award honors a player that Canes' fans weren't as familiar with. The Brightest Star award is given to the player who is deemed to have the brightest future with the team. Last year's winner Jamie McBain is here to present this award.
(Jamie comes to the microphone)
McBain: Thank you John. It was a great honor to win the Brightest Star award last year and I know this next player views it the same way. With 63 points, an All-Star bid and an outstanding rookie year, Jeff Skinner's future is so bright we all need shades. (Jamie puts on a pair of sunglasses; crowd giggles)
Forslund: Let's give Jamie another round of applause for being here this evening! Great kid. (Jamie waves to crowd) Jeff Skinner defied all expectations because no one really had any expectations for him. This next award honors a player who overcame a difficult go of it last year and wowed us with a complete turnaround this season. Both Jay Harrison and Erik Cole really impressed this year, but the Best Comeback award goes to Erik Cole, who played what is possibly the best hockey of his career. Congratulations Erik!
Forslund: This next award may very well be my favorite of the night. I have the...I am luck...I get to work with Tripp Tracy on a regular basis and he's always giving us great player interactions. The Best Tripp Tracy Moment award highlights a moment that made us all laugh, especially me. Your winner is Joe Corvo's "you're just a fountain of useless knowledge Tripp" comment. (John chuckles) Oh that gets me every time. (John continues to chuckle as he walks off stage)
(voiceover) Coming up after the break: Best Shift, the Toughest Player Award, Fan Favorite, Best Hit and Team MVP!
(Tripp and John stand at center stage)
Tripp: I can't believe the night is almost over John! It doesn't even feel like it's lasted as long as a hockey shift!
Forslund: Funny you mention a hockey shift Tripp because the very next award we're giving out is the Best Shift award. This year's winner has already picked up a lot of hardware this evening, but it's hard to deny that this shift from Jeff Skinner isn't one of the best of the season.
Tripp: Wow. That's a huge effort! (audience members make a mark on their bingo cards)
Forslund: Agreed Tripp. That kid became an instant star in Raleigh. His teammates love him and so do his fans. In fact, they love him so much that they've voted him as this year's Fan Favorite.
Look at that grin! It's not a surprise that someone who smiles as much as this kid won this year. After all, last year's winner was the equally smiley Tuomo Ruutu.
Tripp: Speaking of Tuomo, he had an impressive year didn't he Johnny? His 309 hits put him in second place for the entire league! That's amazing!
Forslund: Exactly, he's had Caniacs Ruuing quite a bit this year. Of course there has to be one hit that stands out among the rest and this hit from a March 1st game against the Florida Panthers seems to do just that.
Tripp: Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Sorry I've always wanted to do that.
Forslund: It'd be tough not to want to do that Tripp...almost as tough as dethroning this player from his title as Toughest Player. Tim Gleason has won this award every year so far and this year is no exception. His teammates voted him the winner of the 2010-2011 Steve Chiasson Award and he's been a strong leader all year long. Congratulations Tim!
(crowd looks a little intimidated by the ferocity of the Tim Gleason photo shown on the screen behind John and Tripp)
Forslund: Well this is it folks. We've arrived at the last award of the night: Team MVP. Who's contributions were so significant that he can be singled out and looked at as most valuable? Will it be the 18 year old rookie who dazzled with his maturity and goal scoring ability? Will it be the veteran goaltender that singlehandedly kept his team in games with brilliant stop after brilliant stop? Or will it be one of the last holdovers from the '06 Cup team whose comeback bid and signature offensive move kept opponents guessing this season? May I have the envelope please? (Tripp hands John the envelope; John opens it as Tripp tries to peek at the results)
Forslund: Your 2010-2011 Team MVP is none other than...Cam Ward! (Tripp claps his hands in glee) He truly has had an exceptional year which is something that really doesn't surprise Canes' fans who saw him in action during the Cup run. (video starts to play behind John and Tripp)
Forslund: History found us a hero indeed. Thank you everyone for joining us this evening as we looked back at a great hockey season in Raleigh. On behalf of myself, Tripp and all of the presenters tonight, I hope you enjoyed the show and we'll see you next year!
(audience cheers, a few people quietly remark to their neighbors that they had bingo. This is met with a lot of shushing as the camera pulls away and the show ends)
Love is in the air in the Carolina Hurricanes' locker room; well that may just be hockey stench...but I digress. You see the team operates under a variation of the "the team that plays together, stays together" motto, in their case insert the word "crafts" for "plays" and you have a winner. The boys love to spend their spare time showing just how much they appreciate each other and with Monday being Valentines Day, there was a lot of "appreciation" being shown in the Canes locker room recently.
The boys took advantage of some recent down time to decorate some paper bags with cut out hearts and glitter glue, eat some conversation hearts and give thoughtful and personalized Valentines to their nearest and dearest teammates. We here at the Siren have a mole in the locker room who made sure to send us copies of all of these completely fake works of art to share with our readers. So pop in some Barry White, dim the lights and break out the chocolate because your Valentine's Day edition of the Hurricane Siren is not just signed, sealed and delivered...it's yours!
Much like that super cute boy in the 4th grade, Jeff's Valentine mailbox was filled to overflowing with lots of "we heart you" and "you're great!" messages. Let's take a peek at some of the special treats Jeff found:
I wonder which prank happy NHL pro stood in line at the CVS to buy these...
But don't think for a second Jeff was just receiving messages of affection from his teammates. He was giving them out too. And once again he decided handmade was the best way to go:
I do sense a pattern developing here. He's going to have to give out a lot of friendship bracelets at the end of the season.
Speaking of friendships, fans may have noticed the development of quite a few bromances throughout the season. Our boys like each other a lot. And they like touching each other even more. Here are some Valentines that represent that.
Those two are just precious aren't they?
Oh dear. I'm not sure I have words. Especially about the hidden tawdriness that seems to be the Cole-Gleason relationship. I wonder what Corvo would have to say about this:
Oh Erik...you double timer you. I do very much appreciate the fact that Emo Joe bought Cole a big, fluffy teddy bear.
I know what you're thinking. Where does Eric fall into this love...one...two...square? Well based on this Valentine he seems to be on the outside looking in...tapping pitifully on the glass.
You know Eric I am sure someone still cares deeply about you:
Whoa. That's...whoa. Apparently that is called a candygram and, much like calling BINGO at Tripp Tracy Bingo, I'm pretty sure it's something you don't actually want.
Something else you don't want? A goalie that's mad at you on Valentine's Day.
Yeah this team may have bonded just a tad too well earlier this season.
Oh Petey. You are so optimistic.
Hear that noise? That's me sidestepping this one altogether.
Ahhh...nothing like family is there?
Sometimes we find that on the surface a couple doesn't seem like they fit, but for whatever reason they work. @ZachBoychuk and @TroyBodie seem to be one of those couples.
Oh dear....some people never learn from their mistakes do they?
He's a mystery wrapped in an enigma shrouded in a puzzle.
For the record, I believe that is a chocolate lab. Why? I don't know.
Somewhere a printing press shuddered to a halt.
It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Carson's Valentine!
Wooo woooo! I love that our vets encourage our rookies' little quirks.
Coming up we have yet another example of that proverbial odd couple we talked about earlier:
Now, I have to say that I was very, very impressed by the Finns' Valentines. Especially considering it's not really one of their holidays. But they are game for anything and went all out making Valentines for each other. Naturally the messages are in Finnish, but our mole was able to piece together a translation of them for us based on the guys' reactions.
Joni,
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Your dog is ditzy
And so are you!
Tuomo
Gee someone must be reading the fan blogs eh?
Tuomo,
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You love hockey sticks
Women love your Sisu!
Jussi
Yup. They are SO reading fan blogs.
Jussi,
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Pumpkin is sexy
Ooooo...shiny!
Joni
Happy Valentine's Day Caniacs from your Carolina Hurricanes and me!
