All tricks, no treats, for Canes' fans

In an effort to properly celebrate All Hallows Eve, the Canes decided to put on one of their scariest (as in oh my god are we really that bad?!) performances to date. Seriously y’all, M.Night Shyamalan would have said, “umm…maybe we should tone this down a touch.” Despite all of their meetings and “practices”, the Canes continue to look lost out there. In fact, if they hadn’t spent so much time falling over, I’d say their performance was more befitting this team (courtesy of Jenniwa30):
Now before I really get going into full-on rant mode, I should take time to acknowledge a few positive things. First off in non-game related news, a belated congrats goes out to Michael Leighton and his wife on the arrival of their newest mini-Hurricane. It’s now only a matter of time before we can set up a “dads vs. kids” tournament.

Positive thing #2-Brandon scored his first goal of the season today!!! I feel pretty safe in saying it was the highlight of the game. So way to go Butter-make it impossible for them to send you back to Albany. Now if I could just find a photo of the post goal celebration...well maybe the actual video will just have to do.


And that’s pretty much the end of the positive things. Well wait, hang on. Scotty had a good game. And Joni had some nice defensive moments. And Cam looked really nice while he chilled on the bench basking in his good fortune to not have to deal with the sucktastic game taking place out on the ice. And…yes that’s about it.

I feel that with what I am about to say, I need to make a declaration first. For the record, I really like Leights; he is ten times better than Crumbs was and he has the added bonus of not being nearly as creepy. Ok now that that’s been cleared up…

My god, man what was that? 6 goals against? I mean seriously, at least half of them were stoppable and you looked shaky on every save. Some of it was your team playing figure skater in front of you, some of it was rust, and some of it was distraction I am sure. But still, you have to admit, things did not go well for you this afternoon. In fact, maybe Philly just isn’t a place you should play; you don’t have a good track record there. Actually, I don’t anticipate you playing much of anywhere for quite some time. It’s not you, it’s…no now that I think about it, some of it was definitely you.

Now as for the rest of the team, they don’t get off scot free either. Boys, I understand this isn’t how you wanted to start the season and things are tough for you right now. But for the love of the hockey gods, PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER!! Learn each others’ names and numbers, maybe spend some time together. You play like you’ve never even met each other before and that’s just unacceptable. You’re getting better, but at this rate, we’re going to need an 882 game season to get where we need to be. Please figure this whole thing out quickly no matter how you have to do it (yes hot tubs may need to be involved and you know what-fans won’t question things that bring about results). Because if you don’t, big changes are going to happen and you may wake up one morning to find that your BFF is now rocking another jersey. And no one wants to break up friendships, least of all JR.

Ok so what are the positives here? Well the month of October is officially over for the Hurricanes and if things go according to plan, they may be able to get a fresh start tomorrow. Players, and fans, can all just pretend that the season starts on November 1st and we can put this whole mess behind us. Doesn’t that sound good? Tomorrow marks the return of Ruu from his 3 game timeout. That, coupled with the return of Tim “I’m going to expletive deleted you up” Gleason, may not be enough to right the ship on its own, but it sure will make watching them lose less painful for the ladies in the house. But what may be most important to the direction of this hockey club is the return of E.Staal’s human security blanket. Binky…errr…I mean E.Cole may be the spark our franchise player needs to show up on a semi-regular basis and start earning that ridiculously large paycheck.

If the Canes are to even sniff the playoffs this season, changes need to be made; whether those come from the players themselves or from the man holding the reigns in the front office remains to be seen. All I know is that this cannot continue, if only for the sake of my emotional and mental health.

A House of Horrors

Things are bad in Raleigh; in fact, there may not be words strong enough to describe how bad they actually are. This would be a perfect time for a classic rant. However, I’m not going to rant because it will be ugly and feelings will get hurt. People will sulk and refuse to sit next to me at lunch. Team morale will suffer and since it’s already almost nonexistent, I’m just going to leave the rant for later. But fair warning-if this losing streak reaches double digits, there WILL be ranting. And everyone will be fair game, even Leights.

So instead of a rant, I’m going to write little inspirational notes utilizing the compliment sandwich theory (compliment-bad thing-compliment) for each player. Maybe they can put them up in their lockers or tape them to the bathroom mirror; whatever it takes. And I’m off…

Dear Calamity Cam,
Good thing-you are singlehandedly keeping your team in most of these games. Bad thing-ummm…oh I’ve got one. You need to stay in the net-there were some bad puckhandling moments last night, let’s stop those. Good thing-you’re super adorable. Wait, what? I can’t use that one? Oh fine, I’ll pick something else. Your shootout skills have improved something fierce. Keep it up.

Dear E.Staal,
Oh this one’s going to be tough. Good thing-your practice with the Capital City Crew was really cute and you showed some real personality. Bad thing-I don’t even know where to start…let’s go with your play during actual games. Yeah that sums it up pretty well. Oh and you’ve racked up 34 penalty minutes. Temper tantrums are never pretty, even Parker knows that and he’s only a few months old. And neither is whatever this is. >>>>
Good thing-you’re a new dad and there will always be someone who thinks you’re the best even when fans want to kill you.

Dear A.Ward,
Good thing-you seriously upped the team’s hottie quotient when you got traded here. Bad thing-you have looked like a fool multiple times the past few games; you’re second on the team for worst +/- with a -6. Dude…what's up with that? I thought you were supposed to be a jedi master of defense. Oh I need another good thing huh? Good thing-you umm…block shots?

Dear Sammy,
Oh Sammy. Good thing…this is tough. Oh wait, I’ve got one. You obviously have paid your debt to the hockey gods and are no longer getting called for phantom penalties. YAY! Bad thing-so many to choose from. You’re a team worst -7, won’t shoot (don’t be Joni, please) even if your life depended on it and stickhandle yourself into turnover after turnover. Good thing-I really like you when you wear your glasses. Super cute. Yes I know, that’s a weak one, but come on…

Dear Timmy,
Good thing-you are our best fighter hands down and have registered some assists already. Bad thing-you’re hurt and we need you; plus our hottie quotient took a HUGE dip now that you’re in the press box. Good thing-We really really really miss you. Which is more than we could say for some of your teammates.

Dear Ruu,
Good thing-your fans still love you. We will still RUUUUUU and defend you against crazy people who think you and your brother are the same person. Bad thing-this suspension thing is kind of a detriment to the team and you screwed up royally. Good thing-there is only one more game left in your punishment and then you’ll be back!

Dear E.Cole,
Good thing-ummm...well that game you played was good. :shrugs: Bad thing-E.Staal really misses his human security blanket and while you are an exceptionally fast healer, you need to pop a few extra vitamin D supplements because he’s going downhill fast. Good thing-your birthday is coming up soon! Maybe we could celebrate the big 3-1 with a big win over Toronto? Please?

Dear Scotty,
Good thing-you are leading the team in +/- with a +6. Dude...how in the name of god are you a +6? You are the only + on the whole team. Kudos man, kudos. Bad thing-you still don’t have your teeth in during the games, which is totally cool. Except that when they show you on the bench spitting water through a 4 inch gap, I end up with nightmares. Good thing-you have the entire fanbase rooting for you and your family. We want to get you that Cup.

Dear Roddy,
Good thing-you’re only a -3. Last season at this time you were like a -42 so that’s a step in the right direction. Bad thing-you’re all over the board when it comes to FO%. That’s your thing man. Don’t let it go. Good thing-you have looked good so far. Faster, more agile, and you knocked the “kids” out of the water during fitness testing. Rod the Bod has returned.


Dear Creepie (aka Joni-I told you these were personalized),
Good thing-you’re shooting a little more which is nice. Bad thing-you’re Creepie. Do I really need to go into detail? Yes? Ok fine. You float during practice and during games. You can’t skate without touching your nose with your tongue. It’s weird Joni. Good thing-your chemistry with your fellow Finns is still there which makes another Shock at the Rock a constant possibility.

Dear Harrison and TKO,
Sorry you don’t get separate ones, but you’re almost the same person in my mind-do something to stand out. Grow a Mike Commodore ‘fro. Show up to games in a full on pink suit. Refuse to answer to anything other than “McLovin”. I don’t know. Something, anything. Good thing-Harrison, you took Patty Eaves’s number and his spot on my imaginary Gillette Razor Line. He left a teacup sized hole and you are filling it nicely. Bad thing-turnovers. Good thing-TKO’s name provides us with endless funny and derogatory nickname possibilities.

Dear Albe,
Good thing-you are HUGE. Tripp will finally be able to use that word properly. Bad thing-you’re a tad slow in the skating department, which is bad because hockey is played on ice. Good thing-you’re helping the hottie quotient. Protect that face dude, it’s your ticket into the good graces of the female fans.

Dear Ray,
Good thing-your little body lasted 1000+ games! Whoop whoop! Bad thing-you still refuse to hit anyone. Is it written into your contract or something? Good thing-you are seriously one of the only offensive tools we’ve got going right now. So thank you.

Dear Yelle,
Good thing-you cleared waivers and get to stay with a team that doesn’t really want you. Oh wait...I guess that’s more of a bad thing. Ummm...you’re an even +/- which is pretty hard to come by on this team. Bad thing-well you were put on waivers so that should say something right there. Good thing-you like to block shots. And most of our guys are made of glass so that’s always appreciated.

Dear Chad and Matt,
Yes you guys get a joint message too. Mainly because you seem to be glued at the hip. Good thing-you have some serious PK chemistry that is a thing of beauty when it’s clicking. Bad thing-7 points and a -8 between the two of you. Ouch. Oh and you get a major penalty for inflicting the hot tub story on all of us. Good thing-you are generally one of the highlights of the Ask the Canes segments.

Dear Jussi,
Good thing-you picked up where you left off during the postseason. YAY! Bad thing-a -5 is never pretty. Good thing-you are like a cross between the Jonster and Ruutu which is great for people who want more Finn than Ruutu provides, but less Finn than what Joni breaks out.

Dear Jose Cuervo,
Good thing-you are slowly morphing into our PP pointman and the Corvo Cannon is gaining a reputation. Bad thing-you miss the net more times than you hit it. AIM. Good thing-ummmm...I’m scared of you. Your moodiness and tattoos scream “stay away from me” so I will.



Dear Conboy,
Good thing-your roster photo is actually pretty nice this year. Bad thing-your fighting skills still leave something to be desired. Good thing-you take some of the pressure off of Timmy and Scotty in that department. Oh one more bad thing-don’t start ill-timed fights again. Mo doesn’t like it.

Dear Nicky,
Good thing-3 assists and only a -2? Rock on dude. We may just get you in an ASG yet. Bad thing-you get lost a lot. Which lets the other team score. That makes Cam angry which makes me sad. Good thing-you haven't missed a game yet which is pretty impressive for you. Keep taking those multivitamins.

Dear Leights,
Good thing-your new hat looks really nice and you’re doing a great job opening and closing the door to the bench. Bad thing-ummm...you could cheer a little harder I guess. Good thing-you are without a doubt one of the nicest guys on the team. Keep working hard during practice, supporting your teammates and throwing pucks to the little kids. It makes me like you.

Now who am I forgetting....oh that’s right!

Dear Brandon,
Good thing-you’re here! The weather in Raleigh has got to be nicer than Albany this time of year (or really at any point in the year). I’m thinking that the locker room is nicer and so are the travel arrangements. Bad thing-a minus 3 in only two games isn’t so hot little buddy. Good thing-did I mention you’re here? Oh I did. You’ve played really well and are outshining some of the vets. Oh and you don’t even fall over during faceoffs anymore. Plus you’re ADORABLE. And I can’t resist adorable.

Everybody Loves Raymond

In honor of Ray Whitney’s 1000th NHL game tomorrow night, I thought it would be appropriate to offer up a tribute to everyone’s favorite mighty mite with the awesome hair (check out his roster photo-it looks he just stuck a spoon in a light socket). But this won’t be an ordinary tribute filled with touching emotional anecdotes about what he means to a team. Nor will there be stats (remember-I really dislike stats). Instead, I’m going to focus on the humorous and ridiculous-which I think Ray would appreciate.

The 5’10” Whitney…wait what? There is no way that man is 5’10”. You can’t be that tall and get picked up by Chad LaRose. I’m sorry it just wouldn't happen. They must have measured him with his skates on, so I’m going to adjust that number accordingly. The 5’7 ½” Whitney is chock full of personality whether he’s mugging for the camera during Tripp’s pre-game interview (don't lie, you know it's your favorite part of the interview) or wise cracking during an Ask the Canes segment. It would be hard to find a better quote source than the Wizard and I’ve pulled together some of his best ones. So sit back and get ready to laugh.
When asked how long he would be able to ride a bull, Ray answered:

"Till they showed me the bull. That’s all. That’s how long I would last. I went to the bull riding, that’s not for me. I’m about as big as those guys are, but they’re a lot bigger in one other area than me."

When asked what he’s afraid of, Ray quipped:

"Chad LaRose coming into the shower when I’m in there."

(I wonder how he’d feel about hot tubbing…)

Speaking of hot tubs, here’s Ray’s take on what the team needs to do in order to avoid that pesky flu bug:

"Well I could shower a little bit more. I’m going to try some hygienic things first to see if they work. The hugging after goals-you might bring it down a touch. The male bonding in the lockerroom; maybe the hot tubbing could come down a little bit. Yeah-the hugging and frolicking around the locker room could probably come down a touch."

(I think some of the guys need a refresher course in Ray’s Healthy Lifestyle Tips, including Ray. That's a lot of man love dude.)

In response to a question about creating a New Year's resolution for his teammates, Ray expressed some concern over a certain player's training regimens:

"Oh there’s a few out here. I think Rod Brind’amour should start training a little bit. Because he’s starting to get a little soft."

(If you listen carefully, you can hear Rod kicking Ray's butt with only his eyelashes.)

But Ray's sense of humor doesn't stop at the expense of his teammates, he even pokes fun at his wife, like when asked what she wanted for Christmas:

"Ah I don’t know, but I know it’s going to be expensive."

But then again, I think she probably gives it right back to him. Her answer to the same question:

"Steve Yzerman"

(Am I the only that thinks they'd be the most entertaining player-wife duo to hang out with?)

The Wizard had this to say when asked which Disney character he would be:

"Oh it’s gonna be someone short. I’m going to go with Mr. Incredible" :winks:

(Personally I like Matt Cullen's choice of Lord Farquaad from Shrek to represent Mr. Whitney-come on, admit it, he's almost a dead ringer.)

Finally, one last thought from the little dude. When asked what his 1000th game meant to him, Ray dead panned:

"Expensive gifts."

(Yeah Ray, I'm sure the boys are all chipping in to buy you something special.)

So tomorrow night when you're settling in to watch the game, make sure to give your Ray Whitney doll (hey even Babchuk has one!) a good seat on the couch. Hopefully, his 1000th game will be fondly remembered as a Canes' victory.

A picture is worth a thousand words

Inspired by the emotionally scarring story Tripp told last night, Jenniwa30 put together this little beauty.

I don't think I really need to add anything to this because well...it kind of speaks for itself. But it's safe to say that Matt and Rosey have learned a very valuable lesson from this-don't share personal stories with Tripp unless you're prepared for the backlash.

Great work Jenniwa30! You keep making them and I'll keep posting them-it may have to become a regular feature. :)

Canes Sink Like A Rock

Things were looking up for the Canes. The Jonster was back in the lineup to complete the Finnish trifecta. Staal had an extra few days of sitting on his butt to heal whatever it is that ails him. The team had finally played something resembling their game against Pittsburgh. New Jersey had played the night before and gotten manhandled by Atlanta. What could go wrong right? Oh if only we had known.

But in an effort to ward off the gloom and doom, we'll start with the high points. Let's see, there weren't many...Cam had a great night. Borderline Camtastic in fact. He turned himself inside out trying to keep his team in the game.
So Cam-we love you. Just remember that. But if you want to yell at your teammates a little, it's ok, I understand completely.

Albe-way to go kicking Clarkson's butt. And that pretty much sums up the high points. I told you there weren't many.

*****We interrupt your regularly scheduled blog for this important message. An Amber Alert has been issued for Eric Staal. He is 6'4" and rumored to be a NHL All Star. Please contact Paul Maurice with any information on his location. We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.*****

Yeah that's right, E.Staal is in a "slump" and remained almost invisible tonight, finishing a -2 and rocking a miserable 35% success rate in the faceoff circle. Eric, please read what I'm about to write carefully-take a lesson from Joni and either heal or don't play. Simple as that. I know you love playing injured and all, but your iron man streak does you no good if you spend the whole game floating. There is no shame in sitting out a game (or five). But what there is shame in is being bad (and not accepting it) and you've been bad the past few games. I've turned your bobblehead around (and separated it from the others) in the hope that it will teach you a lesson. The dunce hat will remain perched upon your little noggin until you get your act together. Don't make me take your stick away.

To add insult to injury (wait-strike that, reverse it), our d-men kept dropping like flies tonight. A.Ward-heal quickly and don't lift anything heavy. Timmy-wear a visor from now on; we need you. But on the bright side, chicks dig scars. Nicky-from now on, keep your head up.

Now for a semi-regular feature:
Did Tripp Really Just Say That?!
Tripp always finds a way to share interesting (and usually awkward) tidbits about the players' personal lives, but he took that aspect of color commentary one step too far tonight when he tossed out a peppy little anecdote about how Cullen and Rosey spent a little bonding time in a hot tub. At a spa. I think I speak for all of Caniac Nation when I say ew. I'm not even going to touch the logistics of that little field trip, mainly because I have to sleep at some point tonight and just can't handle the nightmares.

I don't know what needs to be done to get this team winning on a semi-regular basis (although the PP might be a good place to start), but the coaches need to figure it out quickly. I know it's still early in the season, but the Canes are currently 2-4-1 and have yet to win against a playoff caliber team. We've missed the playoffs by just a few points in the past so this situation is feeling uncomfortably familiar. They have a three day break until taking on the Islanders in Long Island. There better be some serious work done in practice the next few days because this kind of game isn't going to cut it much longer.

As always, but with slightly less gusto than usual, LET'S GO CANES!

Welcome!

Welcome to The Hurricane Siren! This blog was born out of a serious obsession with all things Canes (and hockey) related. Oh and a boycott of a certain league sponsored fan site due to its reinvention as a Myspace/Facebook spawn. They need to learn that if it ain't broke, it shouldn't be fixed.

I've been a fan of the Carolina Hurricanes since 2006 when I moved to the Triangle and a little thing called Lord Stanley took up temporary residence. Since then, I've become more and more fascinated with the team and the sport. As is the case for every fan, I go through the highs and lows of an 82+ game season right along with my team. But no matter how bad things get (and they've been bad), I will never stop supporting the boys in red.

I'll tackle everything from the Canes' struggles/successes to random hockey stuff from around the league to my fantasy team's woes (exhibit A-Johan Franzen's early trip to the IR). I'll even check in with the baby Canes up in Albany as they've started the season very successfully.

There will be some sarcasm (actually chances are there will be a lot of sarcasm) so be prepared. If things are going especially poorly with the boys rocking the sightless eye, then there will be some ranting. I'm not a "strict numbers and stats" kind of gal so expect some random (and largely humorous) stuff every once in a while. Also fair warning, don't be surprised if, every now and then, I take a detour that focuses on some of the...finer aspects of certain players.

The Canes are hightailing it up to the Swamp...errr the lovely and welcoming confines of New Jersey today after a pretty successful showing against the team that must not be named (no I am not over the Eastern Conference Finals and I may never be). It's probably safe to assume that Brodeur and company have not forgotten the Shock at the Rock, so the Canes need to be prepared for a tough game. But I feel pretty confident in saying that if they play the way they did for the majority of the game against Pittsburgh they should get their first road win of the season tomorrow night. So until then, LET'S GO CANES!!!!!!