Ladies and gentlemen (and Chad), we are gathered here today not to mourn a life lost, but rather to celebrate a life lived. For how can you not celebrate a life as spectacular as the one lived by the Sutterstache? During its all-too brief time with us, it made us laugh...at its absurdity. It made us cry...as we laughed at its absurdity. It brightened our day and haunted our dreams. It brought joy to few and nightmares to many. And now, today, we lay it to rest as its very essence is transported to what we can only imagine is a place filled with mustache cups, tiny combs and those mini hair trimmers that keep everything neat and tidy.
The Sutterstache started like all of us do, small and seemingly unable to survive in this crazy world. But throughout its 31 day lifespan, it blossomed to something no one ever expected. It grew before our eyes; going from dust to fuzz to shadow to fluff and then to something resembling a caterpillar before finally reaching the stage that can only be described as looking like an eyebrow that got stuck on a one-way trip to the chin. That's right folks, before we knew it, the little 'stache that shouldn't was all grown up and ready for an appearance in a cheap motel room with a heart-shaped Magic Fingers bed.
It was so magnificent, so astounding and so profoundly disturbing that it generated its own Twitter hash-tag and a descriptive emoticon. People from Raleigh to Durham to Chapel Hill were mesmerized by it like bugs are by illuminated light bulbs. Cameras suddenly took on a life of their own and snapped its likeness over and over again. For 31 glorious days, we were all mustache fans; the number of people here today is a testament to that.
You see, if nothing else, the Sutterstache will be remembered for uniting us under one facial hair style. It brought us together as we anxiously scanned the horizon for a white windowless van. It bonded us as we wondered how many hockey-related double entendres and adult film jokes we could make at one time. Not to mention the fact that it may have singlehandedly rejuvenated the market for velour track suits and gold chains which I think we can all admit is a look we've really wanted to see make a comeback. Given enough time, I'm not entirely sure that solving the oil crisis and creating peace in the Middle East would have been outside the realm of possibility.
But perhaps the most startling gift the Sutterstache gave us all was the way it transformed the owner of its host lip. Seemingly overnight the mild mannered Lady Byng candidate became a penalty-taking, F-bomb dropping, ref back talking, fighting ball of hate. As the Sutterstache filled in, this attitude grew and now as we lay the Sutterstache to rest, we're left wondering if we must also bid farewell to this new persona. But much like the question of how long our grief will last, only time will allow us to resolve this final concern. Be patient, my friends, because every day will get easier.
On behalf of all Sutterstache's friends and family, I'd like to thank you for coming this evening to say goodbye to a dear, dear friend. Upon the request of the Sutterstache prior to its timel...errr...untimely demise, a brief memorial video has been put together that will close our service today. As you come forward to pay your final respects, please feel free to leave a special message for Sutterstache in the sink bowl to your right.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Airing Fantasy Hockey Frustrations: Part 3-Arrivals and Departures
I never thought I was going to admit this, but here goes. I, writer/editor/illustrator of The Hurricane Siren and GM of Sutterly Camtastic, pulled a Brian Burke recently. No, I didn't start spouting bitter diatribes about truculence or steal someone's draft pick right out from underneath them. Instead I pushed the panic button (ok maybe "jumped on the panic button and then did a little tap dance on it" would be a better description), proclaimed myself to be the bus driver of this team and pushed people off the proverbial bus.
You see, I couldn't allow Sutterly Camtastic to go down in flames (at least not this early in the season!) so I did what I had to do. I dropped some underachievers, traded one very large disappointment and picked up a few promising new faces that I am sure will be the saviors of this team (there I go channeling Burke again-the man is like a bad disco song-you just can't get it out of your head). So let's meet the newbies shall we?
My first move was to pick up a player from the waiver wire. I was in desperate need of a LW who could score (or skate for that matter) and when I found out that everyone worth having was already taken, I opted to pick up Benoit Pouliot of Montreal. The 24 year old has put up 9 points in 18 GP which makes him more productive than...well the empty space that was on my roster. Good times are ahead I can just feel it. So welcome Benoit (or perhaps more appropriately Bienvenue Benoit), here's your jersey and your locker is over there next to Mason Raymond's...no don't worry that it says "Oshie :(" above it, he won't mind at all.
The next step I took was to shock the fantasy hockey world with a blockbuster trade. It went down like I imagine any NHL trade goes down-via Twitter with a lot of emoticons thrown in for good measure as I managed to convince a fellow GM (who shall remain nameless to protect his reputation and, let's face it, dignity) that Martin Brodeur was a valuable asset. HA! He even gave me something in return for Donut Hole! Well I mean I had to throw in Dustin Brown to sweeten the deal, but honestly just the reduction in mental trauma was worth it. Plus I was starting to run out of Marty Brodeur fat jokes.
But getting back on track here, I am pleased to announce that Sutterly Camtastic is officially more CAMTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes that's right our Campion Wardolie is now a member of Sutterly Camtastic, making the team name both quippy and factually accurate. :does happy dance: Mark Giordano also came over in the deal with his 8 points making him the team's leading scorer from the blueline. You know if I wasn't so Camtastically happy, I'd probably cry at that statistic. Despite a freakish resemblance to Mr. Bean (don't lie, you know you see it), I have high hopes for Giordano.
Last, but certainly not least, I regret to inform you that Sutterly Camtastic and Niklas Hjalmarsson have parted ways due to his poor performance. Oh yeah and the fact that I quickly got tired of trying to spell his name. In his place, we welcome 23 year old (yup they just keep getting younger) D-man Cody Franson who appears to have a promising season ahead of him. Well if not "promising", at least "less sucky than the rest of the D-core". See that kids? Being just barely better than your competition does, in fact, pay off.
After a brief moment of brilliance that propelled us up to 10th place, Sutterly Camtastic is once again in 14th place, a mere 61 points out of first place. Oh that sure is ugly, even uglier than Martin Brodeur at an all-you-can-eat buffet (guess I had one more joke in me afterall). But watch out Canes Country Rookies 2, Sutterly Camtastic is on its way up...to 13th!!!!
You see, I couldn't allow Sutterly Camtastic to go down in flames (at least not this early in the season!) so I did what I had to do. I dropped some underachievers, traded one very large disappointment and picked up a few promising new faces that I am sure will be the saviors of this team (there I go channeling Burke again-the man is like a bad disco song-you just can't get it out of your head). So let's meet the newbies shall we?
My first move was to pick up a player from the waiver wire. I was in desperate need of a LW who could score (or skate for that matter) and when I found out that everyone worth having was already taken, I opted to pick up Benoit Pouliot of Montreal. The 24 year old has put up 9 points in 18 GP which makes him more productive than...well the empty space that was on my roster. Good times are ahead I can just feel it. So welcome Benoit (or perhaps more appropriately Bienvenue Benoit), here's your jersey and your locker is over there next to Mason Raymond's...no don't worry that it says "Oshie :(" above it, he won't mind at all.The next step I took was to shock the fantasy hockey world with a blockbuster trade. It went down like I imagine any NHL trade goes down-via Twitter with a lot of emoticons thrown in for good measure as I managed to convince a fellow GM (who shall remain nameless to protect his reputation and, let's face it, dignity) that Martin Brodeur was a valuable asset. HA! He even gave me something in return for Donut Hole! Well I mean I had to throw in Dustin Brown to sweeten the deal, but honestly just the reduction in mental trauma was worth it. Plus I was starting to run out of Marty Brodeur fat jokes.
But getting back on track here, I am pleased to announce that Sutterly Camtastic is officially more CAMTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes that's right our Campion Wardolie is now a member of Sutterly Camtastic, making the team name both quippy and factually accurate. :does happy dance: Mark Giordano also came over in the deal with his 8 points making him the team's leading scorer from the blueline. You know if I wasn't so Camtastically happy, I'd probably cry at that statistic. Despite a freakish resemblance to Mr. Bean (don't lie, you know you see it), I have high hopes for Giordano.
Last, but certainly not least, I regret to inform you that Sutterly Camtastic and Niklas Hjalmarsson have parted ways due to his poor performance. Oh yeah and the fact that I quickly got tired of trying to spell his name. In his place, we welcome 23 year old (yup they just keep getting younger) D-man Cody Franson who appears to have a promising season ahead of him. Well if not "promising", at least "less sucky than the rest of the D-core". See that kids? Being just barely better than your competition does, in fact, pay off. After a brief moment of brilliance that propelled us up to 10th place, Sutterly Camtastic is once again in 14th place, a mere 61 points out of first place. Oh that sure is ugly, even uglier than Martin Brodeur at an all-you-can-eat buffet (guess I had one more joke in me afterall). But watch out Canes Country Rookies 2, Sutterly Camtastic is on its way up...to 13th!!!!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
No Treats, Just Tricks
It's rare that we get a glimpse into the inner workings of a hockey team. It's rarer still that we see the inner workings of a hockey team's social life. But that's what we're all about here at the Hurricane Siren-breaking boundaries and taking you where no fan has gone before. And when we can't do that, we just make stuff up. Luckily though, we didn't have to resort to lies and Photoshop to bring you scenes from the Carolina Hurricanes' 2010 Halloween Costume Extravaganza! (Ed. Note: We resorted to lies and Photoshop to bring you these scenes from the Carolina Hurricanes' 2010 Halloween Costume Extravaganza.)
The costumes were both impressive and scary. Some were frighteningly accurate and others made you wonder just what the player was thinking (and how much alcohol was coursing through his bloodstream while he was thinking). But you don't want to hear my recap of the evening when you could see some of the night's best moments! So without further ado, let's roll the tape.
As you can see, a great time was had by all, including some unexpected guests (bonus points if you leave the name of the party crasher and the scenes in which he appears in the comments). The group did the Monster Mash and the Time Warp. I even believe that I saw a few players who shall remain nameless break out into the Thriller dance. They ate ghost-shaped cookies, drank Ghoul-aid and chowed down on candy corn (no, I can neither deny nor confirm that Chad had to be sedated before they could get him into the car to go home). Tripp told both wildly inappropriate and completely unfunny Halloween-themed jokes while the band took a break. There was even a pumpkin-carving contest!
But, the best part of the evening may have been the costume parade and contest where everyone brought their best catwalk skills in order to take home the completely nonexistent trophy shaped like a pumpkin. It was a tight contest with the judges having to make a very tough decision. Honorable mention went to Zac Dalpe, Drayson Bowman and Justin Peters for their interpretation of Snap, Crackle and Pop. They almost took it home, especially when the judges realized that they carried a giant cereal bowl around all night long, but ultimately the imaginary trophy was won by our very own Stormy the Icehog. His dedication to his costume (including the false eyelashes and lipstick) really helped him edge out the competition. He definitely went whole hog (so to speak) with his costume and I'm sure he will forever keep that fake trophy on his mantle...or whatever the Icehog equivalent of that is.
It was certainly a Halloween to remember (and one some of us may wish to forget). Happy Halloween Caniacs!
The costumes were both impressive and scary. Some were frighteningly accurate and others made you wonder just what the player was thinking (and how much alcohol was coursing through his bloodstream while he was thinking). But you don't want to hear my recap of the evening when you could see some of the night's best moments! So without further ado, let's roll the tape.
As you can see, a great time was had by all, including some unexpected guests (bonus points if you leave the name of the party crasher and the scenes in which he appears in the comments). The group did the Monster Mash and the Time Warp. I even believe that I saw a few players who shall remain nameless break out into the Thriller dance. They ate ghost-shaped cookies, drank Ghoul-aid and chowed down on candy corn (no, I can neither deny nor confirm that Chad had to be sedated before they could get him into the car to go home). Tripp told both wildly inappropriate and completely unfunny Halloween-themed jokes while the band took a break. There was even a pumpkin-carving contest!
But, the best part of the evening may have been the costume parade and contest where everyone brought their best catwalk skills in order to take home the completely nonexistent trophy shaped like a pumpkin. It was a tight contest with the judges having to make a very tough decision. Honorable mention went to Zac Dalpe, Drayson Bowman and Justin Peters for their interpretation of Snap, Crackle and Pop. They almost took it home, especially when the judges realized that they carried a giant cereal bowl around all night long, but ultimately the imaginary trophy was won by our very own Stormy the Icehog. His dedication to his costume (including the false eyelashes and lipstick) really helped him edge out the competition. He definitely went whole hog (so to speak) with his costume and I'm sure he will forever keep that fake trophy on his mantle...or whatever the Icehog equivalent of that is.
It was certainly a Halloween to remember (and one some of us may wish to forget). Happy Halloween Caniacs!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Airing Fantasy Hockey Frustrations-Part 2: Honeymoon's Over
When we first met Sutterly Camtastic, they were a wide-eyed (not quite floppy-haired, but close) bunch looking forward to all the excitement of the 2010-2011 season. They weren't the best team on paper, but they had heart and a strong work ethic; fans (and their GM) really believed they had a shot.
Now things are different. The shine has worn off, the new car smell is gone and the "coolest toy in the world!" is just another cheaply made chunk of plastic covered in paint. Fans (and the GM) have started to realize just what this team is capable of and it's not pretty. It's bad. In fact, it's "oh for the love of the hockey gods, I hope we manage to avoid last place" bad. If this was an actual team, we'd be talking about firing the coach and trading players. That panic button? Smashed to smithereens by fans WEEKS ago.
It should have been apparent that this was going to be a LONG season when Brian Campbell went on the IR before the season had even started.
Then Michael Cammalleri decided the preseason would be a great time to test out his professional wrestling career potential on El Nino and ended up sitting for the team's opener. Well it couldn't get any worse could it? Ha. Clearly you don't know me. Niklas Hjalmarsson then got to ride the pine in the press box for two games for a hit from behind on Jason Pominville. I'm officially petitioning to make "dumb life choices" a stat category for fantasy hockey because my players would have that category LOCKED up.
The dynamic offense I so lovingly crafted has produced 16 goals 18 assists for a grand total of 34 points. In 67 games played. That's .51 points per game. From an ENTIRE team. Oy. :reaches for the pack of Tums beside my GM chair: Patrick Kane is the team leader in points with 6 (which ironically enough is the number of hours he remained sober this summer). He's also rocking a pretty impressive -5, although he's going to have to try a little harder if he's going to keep up with teammate Niklas Hjalmarsson who's a -7. Dude. You certainly aren't contributing offensively so let's try and play some D every now and then ok?
Speaking of defense, I'm calling you out Tyler Myers. Tyler, seeing as how you're last year's Calder Trophy winner, I understand life is difficult for you. Reporters now want to talk to you after practice and games. Your teammates have all these lofty expectations. Women suddenly want to talk to you when you're out on the town. At age 20, you haven't quite grown into your limbs yet. Plus you're freakishly tall so at least 22% of your day must be spent trying to find clothes that fit you. I get it. But, I'm going to need something better than 2 points and a -7. Calder winners can still be dropped to the waiver wire. Just sayin'.
Speaker of the waiver wire, yo Donut Hole...what the heck is going on? Prior to last night's shutout (which seemed like a stroke of pure dumb luck) you were pretty bad. That 3.81 GAA was not pretty. I know New Jersey can only afford to put 5 people on the ice per game so things are rough. But when the going gets tough, you can't turn to large amounts of Kripsy Kremes and crawl into bed. Pull it together Marty, whatever it takes. Pretend the pucks are Ding Dongs. Or maybe you could make a deal with Dunkin' Donuts; for every save you make, you get a free Munchkin. I'm not picky.
Then to kind of top it all off, I have the misfortune to report that the Sutterly half of Sutterly Camtastic is likely injured. We finally have some sort of confirmation from John Forslund via Twitter that "Sutter does not appear to be at full strength. He did practice." In my expert opinion (HA!), I think this is all the result of that awkward fall in Vancouver and having bones with the same relative diameter as a toothpick. I'm thinking some sort of wrist injury is what we're dealing with. Ugh. Give me a moment to pull myself together. (For the record, that picture is not actually from this injury, but rather "the hit" from his rookie season. But the hurt in my heart is pretty much the same.)
Now if I've learned anything from being a hockey fan, it's that the Stanley Cup isn't won in October. On the flip side of that though is the knowledge that it can be lost in October. Now I'd hate to have to throw away all of the Sutterly Camtastic: 2010-2011 Fantasy Hockey Champs t-shirts I had made up (hey there was a really good promotion going on!) so I hope everyone can pull themselves together and hit mid-season (or just any season) form soon. If not... :reaches for bottle of Jack on table next to GM chair:
Now things are different. The shine has worn off, the new car smell is gone and the "coolest toy in the world!" is just another cheaply made chunk of plastic covered in paint. Fans (and the GM) have started to realize just what this team is capable of and it's not pretty. It's bad. In fact, it's "oh for the love of the hockey gods, I hope we manage to avoid last place" bad. If this was an actual team, we'd be talking about firing the coach and trading players. That panic button? Smashed to smithereens by fans WEEKS ago.
It should have been apparent that this was going to be a LONG season when Brian Campbell went on the IR before the season had even started.
Then Michael Cammalleri decided the preseason would be a great time to test out his professional wrestling career potential on El Nino and ended up sitting for the team's opener. Well it couldn't get any worse could it? Ha. Clearly you don't know me. Niklas Hjalmarsson then got to ride the pine in the press box for two games for a hit from behind on Jason Pominville. I'm officially petitioning to make "dumb life choices" a stat category for fantasy hockey because my players would have that category LOCKED up.
The dynamic offense I so lovingly crafted has produced 16 goals 18 assists for a grand total of 34 points. In 67 games played. That's .51 points per game. From an ENTIRE team. Oy. :reaches for the pack of Tums beside my GM chair: Patrick Kane is the team leader in points with 6 (which ironically enough is the number of hours he remained sober this summer). He's also rocking a pretty impressive -5, although he's going to have to try a little harder if he's going to keep up with teammate Niklas Hjalmarsson who's a -7. Dude. You certainly aren't contributing offensively so let's try and play some D every now and then ok?
Speaking of defense, I'm calling you out Tyler Myers. Tyler, seeing as how you're last year's Calder Trophy winner, I understand life is difficult for you. Reporters now want to talk to you after practice and games. Your teammates have all these lofty expectations. Women suddenly want to talk to you when you're out on the town. At age 20, you haven't quite grown into your limbs yet. Plus you're freakishly tall so at least 22% of your day must be spent trying to find clothes that fit you. I get it. But, I'm going to need something better than 2 points and a -7. Calder winners can still be dropped to the waiver wire. Just sayin'.
Speaker of the waiver wire, yo Donut Hole...what the heck is going on? Prior to last night's shutout (which seemed like a stroke of pure dumb luck) you were pretty bad. That 3.81 GAA was not pretty. I know New Jersey can only afford to put 5 people on the ice per game so things are rough. But when the going gets tough, you can't turn to large amounts of Kripsy Kremes and crawl into bed. Pull it together Marty, whatever it takes. Pretend the pucks are Ding Dongs. Or maybe you could make a deal with Dunkin' Donuts; for every save you make, you get a free Munchkin. I'm not picky.
Then to kind of top it all off, I have the misfortune to report that the Sutterly half of Sutterly Camtastic is likely injured. We finally have some sort of confirmation from John Forslund via Twitter that "Sutter does not appear to be at full strength. He did practice." In my expert opinion (HA!), I think this is all the result of that awkward fall in Vancouver and having bones with the same relative diameter as a toothpick. I'm thinking some sort of wrist injury is what we're dealing with. Ugh. Give me a moment to pull myself together. (For the record, that picture is not actually from this injury, but rather "the hit" from his rookie season. But the hurt in my heart is pretty much the same.)Now if I've learned anything from being a hockey fan, it's that the Stanley Cup isn't won in October. On the flip side of that though is the knowledge that it can be lost in October. Now I'd hate to have to throw away all of the Sutterly Camtastic: 2010-2011 Fantasy Hockey Champs t-shirts I had made up (hey there was a really good promotion going on!) so I hope everyone can pull themselves together and hit mid-season (or just any season) form soon. If not... :reaches for bottle of Jack on table next to GM chair:
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
36 Reasons Jussi Jokinen needs to be an All-Star
You may or may not have heard of an "alleged" campaign to get one Jussi Jokinen to the 2011 NHL All-Star Game in Raleigh. It started out small and has grown to fairly epic proportions (well epic may be a stretch, but it's getting there). There's a Facebook page chock full of information and links, a Twitter account devoted to spreading the word and even a nifty T-shirt that you can wear to show your support. Even Jussi himself knows about it!
All of this buzz got me thinking: why should someone use their write-in vote for Jussi over the many other possibilities? Why not write in Luca Caputi? Or Pierre-Luc Letourneau-Leblond? I mean other than the fact that neither one of them has spent any significant time in the NHL. Why is Jussi special? Well, thanks to the many Jussi4ASG supporters, I have some reasons why he should be an All-Star, 36 of them in fact. So without further ado here we go...
All of this buzz got me thinking: why should someone use their write-in vote for Jussi over the many other possibilities? Why not write in Luca Caputi? Or Pierre-Luc Letourneau-Leblond? I mean other than the fact that neither one of them has spent any significant time in the NHL. Why is Jussi special? Well, thanks to the many Jussi4ASG supporters, I have some reasons why he should be an All-Star, 36 of them in fact. So without further ado here we go...1) With a 52% regular season shootout success rate, imagine what he could do in the skills competition. Check out this beauty against Toronto:
2) He'd be the only All-Star who'd hear his name during the signing of the US National Anthem.
3) Jussi's talent allows the coaches to play him at all three forward positions. This kind of versatility sets him apart.
4) NHL.com named Jussi to their list of Best Players by Jersey Number.
5) Other than Cristobal Huet (#214), Jussi (#192) would be the latest drafted player from the 2001 draft class to play in an All-Star Game.
6) He's Oh So Sexy!
7) He was named the Team MVP for the 2009-2010 season.
8) He ranked tied for first in the NHL for game-winning goals during the 2008-2009 playoffs.
9) He holds the record for the latest game winning goal in playoff history and, considering he scored with only 0.2 seconds left in regulation, odds are he'll likely hold that record for some time.
10) He's one of only a handful of players not named Sean Avery to cause a complete Marty Meltdown.
11) We might get to see the Jussi Shuffle. That's reason enough right there.
12) Talk about loving high pressure situations: he's scored 8 game deciding goals in the shootout.
13) The Hurricanes were 19-3-4 in the '09-'10 season when the Juice lit the goal lamp.
14) He ranks second only to Slava Kozlov for most shootout goals in NHL history.
15) His one-kneed fist pump may be one of the best goal celebrations in the National Hockey League.
16) He led Finland to bronze medals in three consecutive World Junior Championships, scoring 18 points in 20 games.
17) His 2008-2009 playoff heroics (7 goals and 11 points in 18 GP) are legendary in Carolina.
18) Jussi is coming off a career season in terms of goals (30) and points (65). Relive all 30 Jussi goals:
19) During Jussi's rookie season, he led the league in shootout goals, scoring 10 out of 13 times, including this beauty on former All-Star Manny Legace:
20) He scored 4 points in the 2006 Winter Olympics, including an assist in the final game, to help Finland secure the silver medal.
21) Every All-Star Game needs dimples, and Jussi brings them in abundance!
22) He's put up points against every NHL team; in fact, the only teams he hasn't scored a goal against are Calgary and Ottawa.
23) In '09-'10 he ranked tied for 10th in the NHL for game-winning goals (6).
24) He's a really good sport when it comes to the antics of the crazy Caniacs!
25) He scored 14 points in 27 playoff games to take his SM Liiga team, Karpat, to two straight championships.
26) He could be the only All-Star that could chow down on his own sandwich before the game. The Juice was introduced at Harris Teeter grocery stores in October of 2010. It was a big hit.
27) People talked about Ovechkin wearing a funny hat and sunglasses. Psh. Let's see him rock a feather boa a la the Juice.
28) In '09-'10, he ranked second among the NHL's Finnish players in scoring (65 points) and first in goals (30).
29) He loves tailgating almost as much as the fans do!
30) Let's be honest here, he has a really cool accent:
31) Even his Royal Ruuness wants to be more like the Juice!
32) He has awesome hair.
33) How many All-Stars can say they have a store named after them in their home country? Well Jussi can...
34) This:
35) Jussi was on fire his rookie season when it came to the shootout-he went 9-for-9 before being stopped by Evgeni Nabokov.
36) He's gone from waivers reject to playoff hero to team fixture in less than 2 seasons, never questioning what was asked of him, but quietly going about his job. He's smart, he works hard and doesn't need to be coddled by the coaching staff. When he takes the ice, he gives us everything he has. He has given us moments that will stay with us forever; moments that made us cheer, moments that made us believe again, moments that dazzled us. Let's give him a moment that dazzles. Let's send him to the 2011 NHL All-Star Game.
2) He'd be the only All-Star who'd hear his name during the signing of the US National Anthem.
3) Jussi's talent allows the coaches to play him at all three forward positions. This kind of versatility sets him apart.4) NHL.com named Jussi to their list of Best Players by Jersey Number.
5) Other than Cristobal Huet (#214), Jussi (#192) would be the latest drafted player from the 2001 draft class to play in an All-Star Game.
6) He's Oh So Sexy!
7) He was named the Team MVP for the 2009-2010 season.
8) He ranked tied for first in the NHL for game-winning goals during the 2008-2009 playoffs.
9) He holds the record for the latest game winning goal in playoff history and, considering he scored with only 0.2 seconds left in regulation, odds are he'll likely hold that record for some time.
10) He's one of only a handful of players not named Sean Avery to cause a complete Marty Meltdown.
11) We might get to see the Jussi Shuffle. That's reason enough right there.
12) Talk about loving high pressure situations: he's scored 8 game deciding goals in the shootout.
13) The Hurricanes were 19-3-4 in the '09-'10 season when the Juice lit the goal lamp.
14) He ranks second only to Slava Kozlov for most shootout goals in NHL history.15) His one-kneed fist pump may be one of the best goal celebrations in the National Hockey League.
16) He led Finland to bronze medals in three consecutive World Junior Championships, scoring 18 points in 20 games.
17) His 2008-2009 playoff heroics (7 goals and 11 points in 18 GP) are legendary in Carolina.
18) Jussi is coming off a career season in terms of goals (30) and points (65). Relive all 30 Jussi goals:
19) During Jussi's rookie season, he led the league in shootout goals, scoring 10 out of 13 times, including this beauty on former All-Star Manny Legace:
20) He scored 4 points in the 2006 Winter Olympics, including an assist in the final game, to help Finland secure the silver medal.
21) Every All-Star Game needs dimples, and Jussi brings them in abundance!22) He's put up points against every NHL team; in fact, the only teams he hasn't scored a goal against are Calgary and Ottawa.
23) In '09-'10 he ranked tied for 10th in the NHL for game-winning goals (6).
24) He's a really good sport when it comes to the antics of the crazy Caniacs!
25) He scored 14 points in 27 playoff games to take his SM Liiga team, Karpat, to two straight championships.
26) He could be the only All-Star that could chow down on his own sandwich before the game. The Juice was introduced at Harris Teeter grocery stores in October of 2010. It was a big hit.27) People talked about Ovechkin wearing a funny hat and sunglasses. Psh. Let's see him rock a feather boa a la the Juice.
28) In '09-'10, he ranked second among the NHL's Finnish players in scoring (65 points) and first in goals (30).
29) He loves tailgating almost as much as the fans do!
30) Let's be honest here, he has a really cool accent:
31) Even his Royal Ruuness wants to be more like the Juice!
32) He has awesome hair.
33) How many All-Stars can say they have a store named after them in their home country? Well Jussi can...
34) This:
35) Jussi was on fire his rookie season when it came to the shootout-he went 9-for-9 before being stopped by Evgeni Nabokov.
36) He's gone from waivers reject to playoff hero to team fixture in less than 2 seasons, never questioning what was asked of him, but quietly going about his job. He's smart, he works hard and doesn't need to be coddled by the coaching staff. When he takes the ice, he gives us everything he has. He has given us moments that will stay with us forever; moments that made us cheer, moments that made us believe again, moments that dazzled us. Let's give him a moment that dazzles. Let's send him to the 2011 NHL All-Star Game.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Surviving Russia and Praying to the Hockey Gods
As has been tweeted, retweeted, blogged, Facebooked and live streamed (gotta love the internet), the Canes lost their final preseason game to SKA St. Petersburg today/tonight/last night (I still haven't quite gotten the hang of the time difference). I could go on and on about how this was an insanely chippy game (one could probably toss around the word "dirty" without much argument), but instead of a recap filled with quotes and stats, I'm going to let the photos do the talking (with some added commentary).
I sure am glad Eric Stall and Jossi Jokonen were able to make the trip. I hear they're great players!
All of the hope and promise of a great game is present at warm-ups.
The in-arena accomodations are clearly a little different than those in the NHL.
You know, it's a shame the team missed out on the Olympic Opening Ceremonies...I mean pre-game festivities. How often do you get to see violin players rocking out and flying acrobats at hockey games?
Here are the aforementioned acrobats. Yes one of them is wearing a Staal jersey. No that's not some sort of crack at his manhood.
Each player got All-Star treatment as they were introduced individually. Babs got the loudest round of applause (possibly the only time I'll ever type that sentence).
The team stands at attention for the USA national anthem. Fun note, it's only the national anthem for 8 of the Hurricanes (and that counts Brandon Sutter who would probably pick the Canadian anthem if given a choice).
Speaking of Americans...here's Bainer looking...well I'll let you fill in the blank.
See how lovely it is? Such international friendliness-all of these guys coming together to play the sport they love. This is going to be GREAT!
After the ceremonial face-off (I'll give you one guess on who won), the game can finally begin!
Dalpe had some nice chances this afternoon/evening/yesterday.
Someone help me out with this please.
Clearly the friendliness and coming together has ended and an all-out brawl has begun. Before the end of the game we'd lose Gleason (fighting), Corvo (to injury), Staal (safety), Ward (safety), Pitkanen (spearing), and Harrison (fighting). That's in addition to all of the time we spent in the penalty box.
For the record, it took Tim landing about 2 punches (with his gloves still on mind you) before this joker was on the ice bleeding. Gleason for Emperor indeed.
And a gratuitous Tim Gleason shot. Just because.
Skinner (completely obstructed by the beastliness of Jussi) scored a goal and had some very pretty plays throughout the game.
This is a nice shot of the players left on the bench by the time we got to the third period.
And Jay Harrison managed to win a fight. I'd be ashamed if I were Golovkov.
No one loses to Jay Harrison. NO ONE.
Joni has forgotten that in order for his "sneaky nasty" to be effective, it has to oh I don't know actually be sneaky.
Jeff Skinner (who is a hockey playing doll) received a bright, shiny trophy for being the Hurricanes' player of the game (or Man of the Match). I'm not sure if they do this for every game in Russia or if this was special just for us.
I sure am glad Eric Stall and Jossi Jokonen were able to make the trip. I hear they're great players!
All of the hope and promise of a great game is present at warm-ups.
The in-arena accomodations are clearly a little different than those in the NHL.
You know, it's a shame the team missed out on the Olympic Opening Ceremonies...I mean pre-game festivities. How often do you get to see violin players rocking out and flying acrobats at hockey games?
Here are the aforementioned acrobats. Yes one of them is wearing a Staal jersey. No that's not some sort of crack at his manhood.
Each player got All-Star treatment as they were introduced individually. Babs got the loudest round of applause (possibly the only time I'll ever type that sentence).
The team stands at attention for the USA national anthem. Fun note, it's only the national anthem for 8 of the Hurricanes (and that counts Brandon Sutter who would probably pick the Canadian anthem if given a choice).
Speaking of Americans...here's Bainer looking...well I'll let you fill in the blank.
See how lovely it is? Such international friendliness-all of these guys coming together to play the sport they love. This is going to be GREAT!
After the ceremonial face-off (I'll give you one guess on who won), the game can finally begin!
Dalpe had some nice chances this afternoon/evening/yesterday.Someone help me out with this please.
Clearly the friendliness and coming together has ended and an all-out brawl has begun. Before the end of the game we'd lose Gleason (fighting), Corvo (to injury), Staal (safety), Ward (safety), Pitkanen (spearing), and Harrison (fighting). That's in addition to all of the time we spent in the penalty box.
For the record, it took Tim landing about 2 punches (with his gloves still on mind you) before this joker was on the ice bleeding. Gleason for Emperor indeed.
And a gratuitous Tim Gleason shot. Just because.
Skinner (completely obstructed by the beastliness of Jussi) scored a goal and had some very pretty plays throughout the game.
This is a nice shot of the players left on the bench by the time we got to the third period.
And Jay Harrison managed to win a fight. I'd be ashamed if I were Golovkov.No one loses to Jay Harrison. NO ONE.
Joni has forgotten that in order for his "sneaky nasty" to be effective, it has to oh I don't know actually be sneaky.
Jeff Skinner (who is a hockey playing doll) received a bright, shiny trophy for being the Hurricanes' player of the game (or Man of the Match). I'm not sure if they do this for every game in Russia or if this was special just for us.Clearly the game did not go as planned (unless of course "play dirty as all heck" was your gameplan; in which case, congrats Russia), but all of our guys made it on the plane and to Finland in what I can assume to be one piece. Now they can rest and focus on what really matters: hitting the saunas! Oh and bringing home 4 points.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Airing Fantasy Hockey Frustrations Part 1-Meet the Team
The title is a bit of a misnomer since the fantasy hockey season hasn't started yet and I didn't draft anyone that was already on the IR or currently on waivers, but I can guarantee you at some point this season I will want to tear into a team not named the Carolina Hurricanes. Trust me, if half of your team is on the IR and you're sitting in dead last waiting for someone (ANYONE) to find their scoring touch, you'd lapse into a pithy diatribe too.
But for now, it's all about fresh starts and a great 2010-2011 season. Oh and a little trash talking to boot. So without further ado, I am pleased to present my 2010-2011 team, Sutterly Camtastic (don't lie, you know that's cute).
Let's start with an ode to the offense and meet our forwards.
We have: Peter Mueller, Michael Cammalleri, Mason Raymond, Dustin Brown, Radim Vrbata, Ryan Callahan, TJ Oshie, Patrick Kane, Brandon Sutter, and Mike Fisher.
They are projected to tally over 500 points combined so that's not too shabby; especially when you consider my blueline isn't exactly going to collect Norris nominations like Halloween candy (more on that later). I had Sutter, Raymond and Fisher last season so I sort of know what I am getting there, but the rest, including Vrbata's very far set eyes, (don't believe me? Google him) are a mystery to me. They are even moreso "unknowns" when you consider 6 out of the 10 are from the Western Conference which is almost a complete reversal from last season's Eastern Conference-palooza.
I had a chance to draft Captain Serious but went with the Magical Mullet instead if only to make mouthguard jokes later in the season. Because that's how I draft-which player is going to give me the best return in terms of "I can't stand you" jokes. And based on how much I like you; yeah that plays a big role. Speaking of which...if you thought for a second that I was going to pass on drafting Sutter (and his brand spanking new "A") despite the fact he was ranked in the high 400s, you're crazy. In fact, it took every ounce of strength I had to wait until the 10th round!
As an aside, do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a picture of Mike Fisher actually PLAYING hockey on Google images now? I think I went through 5 or 6 pages of results before I found one that didn't have his (much) better half in it.
So the offense isn't atrocious, but what about the defense? Who's going to patrol my fake blueline and protect my imaginary goalie? Let's take a gander at the few, the proud, the D core.
This group is clearly headlined by Calder Trophy winner Tyler Myers (another holdover from last season). I'm expecting big things from him; like REALLY big things. The rest of the group is ok...Brian Campbell, Shea Weber, rookie sensation in the making PK Subban and Niklas Hjalmarsson (yeah he needs a nickname ASAP because there is no way I'm going to be able to spell that ever again). I had some major issues drafting D this season, losing Duncan Keith and Jamie McBain to opponents. Then I just couldn't get past my dislike of the guy and passed on Chris Pronger which of course means he'll set new records for points from a D-man this season. :Sigh: We'll see. Hopefully Chicago puts up a lot of goals from the blueline this season.
Finally, we come to arguably the most important position...goaltending. This area KILLED me last season; I will forever maintain that it cost me the championship. So this year I wasn't going to wait until the 4th or 5th round to draft a goalie. I had my eyes set on Ryan Miller and when I saw I had the 6th pick, figured I had a pretty good shot of getting him. But you know what they say about the best laid plans...
I know what you're thinking. Yes that is Marty Brodeur there in the middle. Yes the same Brodeur that I make fun of mercilessly. Yes the one I call fat and said cries tears of donut glaze. But I couldn't have a repeat of last season! I needed a legit goalie badly. And as much as I like making fun of him, he is a legit goalie and I took him in the first round.
I know that I've probably angered the hockey gods with my many Brodeur-Fat Jokes and that they will delight in unleashing their fury upon me, but I am making this promise in an attempt at reconcilliation:
Oh dear merciful hockey gods, I do solemnly swear that I will no longer mock, tease or belittle one Martin Brodeur if you allow him to be a brick wall for my fantasy team this year. I will show him the respect he deserves.
Phew I hope that works. Now in addition to donut hole...oh crap...uhhhh I mean in addition to the honorable donut hole I snagged Jaroslav Halak in the third round. Then I had a flashback to the horror that was my GAA last season, decided I needed a THIRD goalie and grabbed Scott Clemmensen in the 17th round. Frankly, I doubt the guy ever touches virtual ice, but maybe I can work him into a trade later. Or leave him to languish on the "bench" which, let's be honest, he's pretty used to doing.
So there you have it: the good, the bad and the ugly. It's bound to be an interesting (and humor filled) fantasy hockey season to say the least.
But for now, it's all about fresh starts and a great 2010-2011 season. Oh and a little trash talking to boot. So without further ado, I am pleased to present my 2010-2011 team, Sutterly Camtastic (don't lie, you know that's cute).
Let's start with an ode to the offense and meet our forwards.
We have: Peter Mueller, Michael Cammalleri, Mason Raymond, Dustin Brown, Radim Vrbata, Ryan Callahan, TJ Oshie, Patrick Kane, Brandon Sutter, and Mike Fisher.They are projected to tally over 500 points combined so that's not too shabby; especially when you consider my blueline isn't exactly going to collect Norris nominations like Halloween candy (more on that later). I had Sutter, Raymond and Fisher last season so I sort of know what I am getting there, but the rest, including Vrbata's very far set eyes, (don't believe me? Google him) are a mystery to me. They are even moreso "unknowns" when you consider 6 out of the 10 are from the Western Conference which is almost a complete reversal from last season's Eastern Conference-palooza.
I had a chance to draft Captain Serious but went with the Magical Mullet instead if only to make mouthguard jokes later in the season. Because that's how I draft-which player is going to give me the best return in terms of "I can't stand you" jokes. And based on how much I like you; yeah that plays a big role. Speaking of which...if you thought for a second that I was going to pass on drafting Sutter (and his brand spanking new "A") despite the fact he was ranked in the high 400s, you're crazy. In fact, it took every ounce of strength I had to wait until the 10th round!
As an aside, do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a picture of Mike Fisher actually PLAYING hockey on Google images now? I think I went through 5 or 6 pages of results before I found one that didn't have his (much) better half in it.
So the offense isn't atrocious, but what about the defense? Who's going to patrol my fake blueline and protect my imaginary goalie? Let's take a gander at the few, the proud, the D core.
This group is clearly headlined by Calder Trophy winner Tyler Myers (another holdover from last season). I'm expecting big things from him; like REALLY big things. The rest of the group is ok...Brian Campbell, Shea Weber, rookie sensation in the making PK Subban and Niklas Hjalmarsson (yeah he needs a nickname ASAP because there is no way I'm going to be able to spell that ever again). I had some major issues drafting D this season, losing Duncan Keith and Jamie McBain to opponents. Then I just couldn't get past my dislike of the guy and passed on Chris Pronger which of course means he'll set new records for points from a D-man this season. :Sigh: We'll see. Hopefully Chicago puts up a lot of goals from the blueline this season.
Finally, we come to arguably the most important position...goaltending. This area KILLED me last season; I will forever maintain that it cost me the championship. So this year I wasn't going to wait until the 4th or 5th round to draft a goalie. I had my eyes set on Ryan Miller and when I saw I had the 6th pick, figured I had a pretty good shot of getting him. But you know what they say about the best laid plans...
I know what you're thinking. Yes that is Marty Brodeur there in the middle. Yes the same Brodeur that I make fun of mercilessly. Yes the one I call fat and said cries tears of donut glaze. But I couldn't have a repeat of last season! I needed a legit goalie badly. And as much as I like making fun of him, he is a legit goalie and I took him in the first round.I know that I've probably angered the hockey gods with my many Brodeur-Fat Jokes and that they will delight in unleashing their fury upon me, but I am making this promise in an attempt at reconcilliation:
Oh dear merciful hockey gods, I do solemnly swear that I will no longer mock, tease or belittle one Martin Brodeur if you allow him to be a brick wall for my fantasy team this year. I will show him the respect he deserves.
Phew I hope that works. Now in addition to donut hole...oh crap...uhhhh I mean in addition to the honorable donut hole I snagged Jaroslav Halak in the third round. Then I had a flashback to the horror that was my GAA last season, decided I needed a THIRD goalie and grabbed Scott Clemmensen in the 17th round. Frankly, I doubt the guy ever touches virtual ice, but maybe I can work him into a trade later. Or leave him to languish on the "bench" which, let's be honest, he's pretty used to doing.
So there you have it: the good, the bad and the ugly. It's bound to be an interesting (and humor filled) fantasy hockey season to say the least.
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