'Tis the Season...for Letters to Santa!

There is nothing quite like the wonder in a child's eyes on Christmas morning. To see them rush down the stairs and skid to a stop as they see the presents under the tree for the first time is something truly special. Perhaps the only thing that comes close to matching that magic is reading the letters they write for Santa to read on Christmas Eve. It's their chance to recount all of their achievements and then ask for tons of gifts they will undoubtedly forget about by next Christmas.

But there comes a time when children no longer write letters to Santa. No more cookies left on the kitchen table or cute drawings of Rudolph left by the fire place. This was the case for the Carolina Hurricanes; they were without the wide-eyed innocence that a child brings. Until of course, they selected Jeff Skinner 7th overall in the draft. Suddenly, the halls of the RBC were alive with a child's laughter. Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers made appearances on the team iPod. And someone was writing letters to Santa again. God bless us, everyone!

Much like every child given a piece of construction paper and a crayon, Jeff was thrilled to write his letter to Santa.  In fact, he's had it done for weeks now and he was kind enough to send us a copy of the super cute (and completely fake) letter so that Canes' fans everywhere would be able to share in his holiday spirit!  You may want to click on the pages of the letter for easier reading. 

Merry Christmas Caniacs!  May your holiday be filled with family, friends, joy and maybe a little hockey.  See you in 2011!

Airing Fantasy Hockey Frustrations: Part 4- That Pesky Injury Bug

There aren't many headlines scarier to a fantasy GM than "insert key player name here to miss extended period of time due to injury".  In fact, the only thing scarier than seeing that headline pop up in your fantasy notifications is seeing it pop up not once, but three times within one season.

I lost TJ Oshie a while back when he broke an ankle and parked himself on the IR. Now I know what you're saying-why the heck is he still on the team?  The answer is very simple really-it's a combination of too much optimism and a little bit of GM incompetence.  I'd like to say my delayed reaction is justified because everyone worth having is already on a team, but Osh-Kosh-B-Gosh went down a while ago and odds are I could have grabbed a replacement when it happened.  But I didn't and here I stand on December 20th thinking, "oh maybe I should try and replace him since he's doing me absolutely no good."  Yeah I know.  Lessons learned. 

With him injured, I have a whopping TWO centers on my team (one of them being half of the team name and the other being half of the biggest hockey-country music power couple since...well ever) and I'd like to take some pressure of them by adding a third center.  The leading two options at this point are Nik Antropov (yeah who thought he'd EVER be listed as the solution to ANYTHING) or Scott Gomez.  Gomez may get the nod here because then I will have matching Montreal Canadiens mighty mites.  They are  like tiny salt and pepper shakers-so fragile yet oh so collectible.  We'll see.  Maybe Oshie will miraculously heal over Christmas, but odds are either Antropov or Gomez will be on the team by 2011.

The man, the myth, the Mullet went down next with a sprained ankle.  Things were looking good there for about a minute and a half when it was rumored he'd be able to play again before Christmas. Then he ran into an assistant coach during practice and isn't expected back until after the holiday.  I'm not kidding.  You can't make this kind of stuff up.  Apparently a steady diet of Belvedere and Bud Light is not the recipe for strong tendons and ligaments.  Who knew. 

Finally, as if the RW position hadn't taken a bad enough hit, Ryan Callahan broke his left hand and will be out until February.  Well actually, he'll be out of the Sutterly Camtastic lineup longer because I could not even begin to justify keeping him on the roster while injured.  Odds are he'll still be floating around the FA market in a few months anyway.  No hard feelings buddy.  We'll keep your picture up in the locker room. 

I couldn't make it through the next few months with only one fully healthy RW so I searched the FA market for a solution.  ANY solution.  And much to my surpirse, I found the solution to not just my problem, but possibly the solution to the question of whether eternal youth is a myth or a reality.  Because ladies and gentlemen, one Mr. Mark Recchi is joining Sutterly Camtastic!  :insert celebratory trumpets here:  Not only does the Recchin' Ball instantly increase the average age of the team by about a decade, but he also brings a surprisingly effective scoring touch for someone who's 42 years old.  Holy cow.  They need to study this man's secret. 

Sutterly Camtastic seems forever doomed to reside in the bottom half of the league, but hopefully once key players get healthy again, things will turn around.  If not, we can always wait for the teams ahead of us (which at this point is all but two) to exceed their "games played" limit.  Now that is the plan of a future champion-waiting for another team to run out of a valuable resource and then swooping in to scavenge the remains.  Just call us the Atlanta Thrashers. 

'Tis the Season...for Pictures with Santa!

If there is one thing we pride ourselves on here at the Siren, it's providing you with in-depth access to your favorite team. You get to see moments that most fans couldn't even dream of. Think that HBO 24/7 special without all of the F-bombs. Think MTV's Cribs without the awkwardly scripted dialogue. Think E! True Hollywood Story without the risk of seeing Ryan Seacrest. I know. You're welcome.

So when Troy Bodie let it slip to one of the Canes' PR guys (who then broadcast it all over Twitter) that the team had gone and gotten their picture taken with Santa at the mall, you had to know that we were ALL over it. A moment like that shouldn't remain hidden away on someone's iPhone. It must be shared with the fans. It's really only fair. So we reached out to a few players for the pictures and one of them (who shall remain nameless for the sake of his safety) sent along the best group photo of all group photos in the history of photography. So allow us to present the 2010-2011 Carolina Hurricanes' Team Photo with Santa!

FYI, you may want to click on the picture for the larger version because that's a LOT of Christmas cheer to soak in.

Clearly the team took the "holiday picture with Santa" thing seriously. According to sources, a group decision was made to wear holiday sweaters to really up the cheese factor. Of course, someone wasn't paying attention and showed up wearing a Hanukkah sweater, but no one was really surprised by that turn of events. Chad showing up wearing a mistletoe headband was also a memorable moment (remember folks, what happens at the mall Santa photo shoot stays at the mall Santa photo shoot). I must say I was terribly impressed with the extra spirit shown by Joe, Tim and Eric; Tim's Christmas tree headband was unlike anything anyone had ever seen before.

Justin, Brandon and Troy really went all out with their coordinated outfits (the candy cane cane was a nice touch in my opinion), but let's be honest here, the real stars of the show were Jiri, Jeff, Patty, Chad, Sammy and Ian. In addition to all being approximately the same size as some of the children waiting in line, they all looked as if they had stepped off the pages of a J.Crew photo spread. From the jauntily popped collars to the strategically distressed jeans to the work boots that were clearly not meant for work, these boys were STYLING. It was almost too much to handle (which is probably why Santa appears to be looking for an escape route). Well done fellas. Well done indeed.

Other highlights of the afternoon included one small child tugging on Sammy's sleeve and asking why he wasn't dressed like the other elves. (Can you tell I've waited all year for Christmas to roll around? So many elf jokes, so little time.) As was expected, Jeff got very impatient while waiting for the team's turn with the big fella so his teammates took turns holding him on their shoulders so he could see Santa.

Each one of the guys got a chance to ask Santa for something special for Christmas. Some requests were normal and mundane, but a few stood out. Of course, Jussi asked to be an All-Star or at least get more votes than Joni. Ian asked for hair gel which surprised his teammates as they were under the impression he had it shipped in by the vat. Justin once again asked that Santa convince the coaches to, and I quote, "let me start a flippin' game for the love of the hockey gods." Tim wished for Chad to take a vow of silence for even just an hour. Eric whispered in Santa's ear a request for Erik to like him best again. Of course, it still remains to be seen, but I do believe someone will be disappointed on Christmas morning.

As a reminder, we'll have a very special letter to Santa and some Hurricanes' Christmas cards coming up soon.

'Tis the Season...for Christmas Ornaments!

It's no secret that Christmas does strange things to people. It makes them pull tacky sweaters out of the back of their closets, put them on and say "yeah that'll do." It causes them to wear antlers as headbands and actual jingle bells as earrings. People eat fruitcake and drink eggnog; two foods that probably would not exist without the joy of the holiday season. It even causes hockey teams to lip-synch to Mariah Carey, film it and put it on Youtube. It's going to be tough to top that display of Christmas cheer, let's be honest. But leave it to your Carolina Hurricanes to bring a little of their own holiday magic to Raleigh. The boys decided they needed to brighten up their locker room with some signs of the season all while engaging in some good ol' fashioned team bonding. So they cranked up Alvin and the Chipmunks on the iPod, broke out the candy canes and spent their most recent off-day decorating Christmas ornaments. (As a side note, we now likely know why the PP looks the way it does.) I was lucky enough to score an invite to this unique event (probably because I own a ridiculously large amount of craft supplies) and was awed at our team's artistic ability or, in some cases, the lack thereof. So here's a play by play of this wildly entertaining (and completely fake) afternoon of glitter, laughter and Christmas cheer. Enjoy.

Me: Thanks for asking me to be here this afternoon guys! As you can see I've brought lots of craft supplies, blank ornaments in a bunch of different colors and, upon request of the coaching staff, aprons and drop cloths to make sure everyone goes home nice and clean. Oh and safety scissors for Jeff-remember boys, if you're walking around, the scissors better be pointing down. You can put whatever you want on your ornament...as long as it's family friendly. If you have any questions or need any help, let me know! Have fun!

Cole: No Jeff, you need to hold your scissors like this. See? Jeff adjusts his scissors. There ya go little buddy. You got it. Cole pats Jeff on the head.

LaRose: So Tim, what are you going to put on your ornament? What color are you going to pick? Will you use the glitter glue? I love glitter glue. I also really like cookies. Did you have one of those cookies? I've had like 6.... Tim glares, picks up his ornament and moves to the other end of the table. Tim?! Where are you going? Chad shrugs, turns to Joe Corvo and begins talking incessantly.

Me: Joni...careful with the glitter, it comes out really quickly. No Joni...don't do that. You shouldn't...oh no. Joni holds up his ornament covered in globs of glitter and shrugs sheepishly.
Me: Is this the way you want to leave your ornament? Joni? Joni...look at me. No Joni, stop it. Chad! Stop distracting Joni! Joni-focus. Is this how you want to leave your ornament?

Joni: Oh yah.

Me: Ok go hang it on the tree. Joni wanders off, tongue sticking out, seemingly without a purpose.

Jeff raises his hand.

Me: Yes Jeff?

Jeff: Can I have another cookie? I've only had one and I ate all my veggies.

Me: Yes Jeff, go ahead.

Bodie walks up, ornament in hand. I'm done.
Me: What is on the snowman's face?

Bodie: It's his muzzy. Duh.

Me: Ooooookay then. Chad, last warning-stop distracting Joni.

Carter: (whispering to Samsonov) Is Chad always like this?

Samsonov: Yeah he is. The extra sugar doesn't help. Just be thankful you weren't at the Halloween party.

Carter: I heard about that. There was a Youtube video right? What were you again?

Samsonov: I was a Keebler elf.

Carter: Oh like what you're putting on your Christmas ornament.

Samsonov: looks offended No. This is a CHRISTMAS elf. There's a big difference. Keebler elves make cookies in a tree. Christmas elves make toys and help Santa in the North Pole.

Carter: Oh. Awkward silence ensues. Do you like my Christmas lights?

Sutter: Hey Juice, what's on your ornament?

Jokinen: Oh nothing much, just some of my favorite holiday carols.

Sutter: Ummm...Jussi, that's not a Christmas carol.

Jokinen: Maybe not. But it's very cheerful!

Sutter: nods Fershurr. Mine is a candy cane because...

Chad: I know! Because it's scrawny like you! Brandon throws a blank ornament at Chad. Chad throws a Christmas cookie at Brandon, but it hits Tim instead. Tim glares at them all. Chad runs squealing to the other side of the locker room.

Me: facepalm. How do the coaches do this every day?

Ian White's hair walks up to hand in his ornament. I like to keep things simple.

Me: warily eyes Ian's hair just in case something alive pops out I can see that Ian. It looks really nice.

Me: Ok guys, we are running out of time so if you aren't finished with your ornament you need to start wrapping it up. muttering under my breath Plus I have to get out of this looney bin.

Dwyer: Hey Corvs...what's that supposed to be?

Corvo: It's the Grinch. From the Dr. Seuss book. I always related to that character for some reason.

Dwyer eyes Corvo skeptically. Corvo: Not the mean Grinch of course. The one with the heart that's three sizes bigger. He felt things so deeply, with such realism. I can relate to that.

Dwyer scoots away from Corvo and leans towards Harrison. Do you hear Corvs? I think he's lost it! Hey can you pass me the red? I got to finish my bow.

Harrison: Nice wreath man.

Dwyer: It's not as good as your Christmas tree!

Harrison: Thanks. I like Christmas trees. They are so tall and fluffy. Dwyer edges away from table and towards the door.

McBain: I'm done! It's the Christmas McBain Train!!! WOOO WOOOO!!!! Remaining players wooo as well.
Me: And no more cookies for y'all. In fact, I think we're done with all the snacks.

Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Jingle. Group looks around the room trying to find the source of the noise.

Me: what is that?

Chad: It's my ornament! It's a jingle bell! I love jingle bells. See? It makes noise when you shake it! Chad shakes jingle bell furiously.

Me: Alright, who's driving Chad home? Tim reluctantly raises his hand. Good luck Tim. I like your ornament, by the way. Tim grunts and pulls Chad out of the room.

Cam has since placed his ornament on the tree and is stopping everyone from putting theirs up near it.
Me: Cam, is this your family? Cam nods and blocks Erik Cole's ornament.
Cole: Come on Wardo. You can't cover the entire tree.

Cam: Try me. I'm in the zone. I've got great lateral movement and take away time and space. Ask Tripper. Cole sighs and walks to the other side of the tree.

Tlusty hands me his ornament. Ummm...Jiri....is your ornament...a Christmas...package?

Tlusty: Yup. Jiri walks away. I giggle.

Ruutu looks at Peters' ornament. Wow. Petey, that's impressive. How did you do that?

Peters looks down. Well I've had a lot of free time lately so I took up art lessons. Mo thought it was a good idea since he said I should play when he found a really sharp tie or Tommy Rowe grew hair again, whichever came first. Not really sure that was as encouraging as he meant it to be. Ruutu pats Peters on the shoulder.

Ruutu: It'll be alright Justin. If you feel down, just sing Rudolph!

I walk around the tree and trip on Eric Staal who's sitting on the ground. Eric, what are you doing on the floor?

Staal: I can't get my ornament to hang on the top of the tree.

Me: That's because your "ornament" is your gold medal. It can't be the tree topper.

Staal: Why not?

Me: Because it's not an angel. The angel goes on the top of the tree.

Staal pouts for a minute...or 20 before handing me a different ornament. Can this go near the top at least?

Me: Fine.
Me: Alright that's it! Good job everyo...feels tug on my sleeve. Oh Jeff! We almost forgot your ornament. What did you create?

Cole lifts Jeff up so he can place his angel on the top of the tree. The group stands back in awe. I hurry towards the door to escape.

Stay tuned for a very special letter to Santa, Christmas cards to the 'Canes and that team picture with Santa you've heard so much about.

Saying Goodbye to a Dear Friend-The Sutterstache Eulogy

Ladies and gentlemen (and Chad), we are gathered here today not to mourn a life lost, but rather to celebrate a life lived. For how can you not celebrate a life as spectacular as the one lived by the Sutterstache? During its all-too brief time with us, it made us laugh...at its absurdity. It made us cry...as we laughed at its absurdity. It brightened our day and haunted our dreams. It brought joy to few and nightmares to many. And now, today, we lay it to rest as its very essence is transported to what we can only imagine is a place filled with mustache cups, tiny combs and those mini hair trimmers that keep everything neat and tidy.

The Sutterstache started like all of us do, small and seemingly unable to survive in this crazy world. But throughout its 31 day lifespan, it blossomed to something no one ever expected. It grew before our eyes; going from dust to fuzz to shadow to fluff and then to something resembling a caterpillar before finally reaching the stage that can only be described as looking like an eyebrow that got stuck on a one-way trip to the chin. That's right folks, before we knew it, the little 'stache that shouldn't was all grown up and ready for an appearance in a cheap motel room with a heart-shaped Magic Fingers bed.

It was so magnificent, so astounding and so profoundly disturbing that it generated its own Twitter hash-tag and a descriptive emoticon. People from Raleigh to Durham to Chapel Hill were mesmerized by it like bugs are by illuminated light bulbs. Cameras suddenly took on a life of their own and snapped its likeness over and over again. For 31 glorious days, we were all mustache fans; the number of people here today is a testament to that.

You see, if nothing else, the Sutterstache will be remembered for uniting us under one facial hair style. It brought us together as we anxiously scanned the horizon for a white windowless van. It bonded us as we wondered how many hockey-related double entendres and adult film jokes we could make at one time. Not to mention the fact that it may have singlehandedly rejuvenated the market for velour track suits and gold chains which I think we can all admit is a look we've really wanted to see make a comeback. Given enough time, I'm not entirely sure that solving the oil crisis and creating peace in the Middle East would have been outside the realm of possibility.

But perhaps the most startling gift the Sutterstache gave us all was the way it transformed the owner of its host lip. Seemingly overnight the mild mannered Lady Byng candidate became a penalty-taking, F-bomb dropping, ref back talking, fighting ball of hate. As the Sutterstache filled in, this attitude grew and now as we lay the Sutterstache to rest, we're left wondering if we must also bid farewell to this new persona. But much like the question of how long our grief will last, only time will allow us to resolve this final concern. Be patient, my friends, because every day will get easier.

On behalf of all Sutterstache's friends and family, I'd like to thank you for coming this evening to say goodbye to a dear, dear friend. Upon the request of the Sutterstache prior to its timel...errr...untimely demise, a brief memorial video has been put together that will close our service today. As you come forward to pay your final respects, please feel free to leave a special message for Sutterstache in the sink bowl to your right.

Airing Fantasy Hockey Frustrations: Part 3-Arrivals and Departures

I never thought I was going to admit this, but here goes. I, writer/editor/illustrator of The Hurricane Siren and GM of Sutterly Camtastic, pulled a Brian Burke recently. No, I didn't start spouting bitter diatribes about truculence or steal someone's draft pick right out from underneath them. Instead I pushed the panic button (ok maybe "jumped on the panic button and then did a little tap dance on it" would be a better description), proclaimed myself to be the bus driver of this team and pushed people off the proverbial bus.

You see, I couldn't allow Sutterly Camtastic to go down in flames (at least not this early in the season!) so I did what I had to do. I dropped some underachievers, traded one very large disappointment and picked up a few promising new faces that I am sure will be the saviors of this team (there I go channeling Burke again-the man is like a bad disco song-you just can't get it out of your head). So let's meet the newbies shall we?

My first move was to pick up a player from the waiver wire. I was in desperate need of a LW who could score (or skate for that matter) and when I found out that everyone worth having was already taken, I opted to pick up Benoit Pouliot of Montreal. The 24 year old has put up 9 points in 18 GP which makes him more productive than...well the empty space that was on my roster. Good times are ahead I can just feel it. So welcome Benoit (or perhaps more appropriately Bienvenue Benoit), here's your jersey and your locker is over there next to Mason Raymond's...no don't worry that it says "Oshie :(" above it, he won't mind at all.

The next step I took was to shock the fantasy hockey world with a blockbuster trade. It went down like I imagine any NHL trade goes down-via Twitter with a lot of emoticons thrown in for good measure as I managed to convince a fellow GM (who shall remain nameless to protect his reputation and, let's face it, dignity) that Martin Brodeur was a valuable asset. HA! He even gave me something in return for Donut Hole! Well I mean I had to throw in Dustin Brown to sweeten the deal, but honestly just the reduction in mental trauma was worth it. Plus I was starting to run out of Marty Brodeur fat jokes.

But getting back on track here, I am pleased to announce that Sutterly Camtastic is officially more CAMTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes that's right our Campion Wardolie is now a member of Sutterly Camtastic, making the team name both quippy and factually accurate. :does happy dance: Mark Giordano also came over in the deal with his 8 points making him the team's leading scorer from the blueline. You know if I wasn't so Camtastically happy, I'd probably cry at that statistic. Despite a freakish resemblance to Mr. Bean (don't lie, you know you see it), I have high hopes for Giordano.


Last, but certainly not least, I regret to inform you that Sutterly Camtastic and Niklas Hjalmarsson have parted ways due to his poor performance. Oh yeah and the fact that I quickly got tired of trying to spell his name. In his place, we welcome 23 year old (yup they just keep getting younger) D-man Cody Franson who appears to have a promising season ahead of him. Well if not "promising", at least "less sucky than the rest of the D-core". See that kids? Being just barely better than your competition does, in fact, pay off.

After a brief moment of brilliance that propelled us up to 10th place, Sutterly Camtastic is once again in 14th place, a mere 61 points out of first place. Oh that sure is ugly, even uglier than Martin Brodeur at an all-you-can-eat buffet (guess I had one more joke in me afterall). But watch out Canes Country Rookies 2, Sutterly Camtastic is on its way up...to 13th!!!!

No Treats, Just Tricks

It's rare that we get a glimpse into the inner workings of a hockey team. It's rarer still that we see the inner workings of a hockey team's social life. But that's what we're all about here at the Hurricane Siren-breaking boundaries and taking you where no fan has gone before. And when we can't do that, we just make stuff up. Luckily though, we didn't have to resort to lies and Photoshop to bring you scenes from the Carolina Hurricanes' 2010 Halloween Costume Extravaganza! (Ed. Note: We resorted to lies and Photoshop to bring you these scenes from the Carolina Hurricanes' 2010 Halloween Costume Extravaganza.)

The costumes were both impressive and scary. Some were frighteningly accurate and others made you wonder just what the player was thinking (and how much alcohol was coursing through his bloodstream while he was thinking). But you don't want to hear my recap of the evening when you could see some of the night's best moments! So without further ado, let's roll the tape.



As you can see, a great time was had by all, including some unexpected guests (bonus points if you leave the name of the party crasher and the scenes in which he appears in the comments). The group did the Monster Mash and the Time Warp. I even believe that I saw a few players who shall remain nameless break out into the Thriller dance. They ate ghost-shaped cookies, drank Ghoul-aid and chowed down on candy corn (no, I can neither deny nor confirm that Chad had to be sedated before they could get him into the car to go home). Tripp told both wildly inappropriate and completely unfunny Halloween-themed jokes while the band took a break. There was even a pumpkin-carving contest!

But, the best part of the evening may have been the costume parade and contest where everyone brought their best catwalk skills in order to take home the completely nonexistent trophy shaped like a pumpkin. It was a tight contest with the judges having to make a very tough decision. Honorable mention went to Zac Dalpe, Drayson Bowman and Justin Peters for their interpretation of Snap, Crackle and Pop. They almost took it home, especially when the judges realized that they carried a giant cereal bowl around all night long, but ultimately the imaginary trophy was won by our very own Stormy the Icehog. His dedication to his costume (including the false eyelashes and lipstick) really helped him edge out the competition. He definitely went whole hog (so to speak) with his costume and I'm sure he will forever keep that fake trophy on his mantle...or whatever the Icehog equivalent of that is.

It was certainly a Halloween to remember (and one some of us may wish to forget). Happy Halloween Caniacs!

Airing Fantasy Hockey Frustrations-Part 2: Honeymoon's Over

When we first met Sutterly Camtastic, they were a wide-eyed (not quite floppy-haired, but close) bunch looking forward to all the excitement of the 2010-2011 season. They weren't the best team on paper, but they had heart and a strong work ethic; fans (and their GM) really believed they had a shot.

Now things are different. The shine has worn off, the new car smell is gone and the "coolest toy in the world!" is just another cheaply made chunk of plastic covered in paint. Fans (and the GM) have started to realize just what this team is capable of and it's not pretty. It's bad. In fact, it's "oh for the love of the hockey gods, I hope we manage to avoid last place" bad. If this was an actual team, we'd be talking about firing the coach and trading players. That panic button? Smashed to smithereens by fans WEEKS ago.

It should have been apparent that this was going to be a LONG season when Brian Campbell went on the IR before the season had even started.
Then Michael Cammalleri decided the preseason would be a great time to test out his professional wrestling career potential on El Nino and ended up sitting for the team's opener. Well it couldn't get any worse could it? Ha. Clearly you don't know me. Niklas Hjalmarsson then got to ride the pine in the press box for two games for a hit from behind on Jason Pominville. I'm officially petitioning to make "dumb life choices" a stat category for fantasy hockey because my players would have that category LOCKED up.

The dynamic offense I so lovingly crafted has produced 16 goals 18 assists for a grand total of 34 points. In 67 games played. That's .51 points per game. From an ENTIRE team. Oy. :reaches for the pack of Tums beside my GM chair: Patrick Kane is the team leader in points with 6 (which ironically enough is the number of hours he remained sober this summer). He's also rocking a pretty impressive -5, although he's going to have to try a little harder if he's going to keep up with teammate Niklas Hjalmarsson who's a -7. Dude. You certainly aren't contributing offensively so let's try and play some D every now and then ok?

Speaking of defense, I'm calling you out Tyler Myers. Tyler, seeing as how you're last year's Calder Trophy winner, I understand life is difficult for you. Reporters now want to talk to you after practice and games. Your teammates have all these lofty expectations. Women suddenly want to talk to you when you're out on the town. At age 20, you haven't quite grown into your limbs yet. Plus you're freakishly tall so at least 22% of your day must be spent trying to find clothes that fit you. I get it. But, I'm going to need something better than 2 points and a -7. Calder winners can still be dropped to the waiver wire. Just sayin'.

Speaker of the waiver wire, yo Donut Hole...what the heck is going on? Prior to last night's shutout (which seemed like a stroke of pure dumb luck) you were pretty bad. That 3.81 GAA was not pretty. I know New Jersey can only afford to put 5 people on the ice per game so things are rough. But when the going gets tough, you can't turn to large amounts of Kripsy Kremes and crawl into bed. Pull it together Marty, whatever it takes. Pretend the pucks are Ding Dongs. Or maybe you could make a deal with Dunkin' Donuts; for every save you make, you get a free Munchkin. I'm not picky.

Then to kind of top it all off, I have the misfortune to report that the Sutterly half of Sutterly Camtastic is likely injured. We finally have some sort of confirmation from John Forslund via Twitter that "Sutter does not appear to be at full strength. He did practice." In my expert opinion (HA!), I think this is all the result of that awkward fall in Vancouver and having bones with the same relative diameter as a toothpick. I'm thinking some sort of wrist injury is what we're dealing with. Ugh. Give me a moment to pull myself together. (For the record, that picture is not actually from this injury, but rather "the hit" from his rookie season. But the hurt in my heart is pretty much the same.)

Now if I've learned anything from being a hockey fan, it's that the Stanley Cup isn't won in October. On the flip side of that though is the knowledge that it can be lost in October. Now I'd hate to have to throw away all of the Sutterly Camtastic: 2010-2011 Fantasy Hockey Champs t-shirts I had made up (hey there was a really good promotion going on!) so I hope everyone can pull themselves together and hit mid-season (or just any season) form soon. If not... :reaches for bottle of Jack on table next to GM chair:

36 Reasons Jussi Jokinen needs to be an All-Star

You may or may not have heard of an "alleged" campaign to get one Jussi Jokinen to the 2011 NHL All-Star Game in Raleigh. It started out small and has grown to fairly epic proportions (well epic may be a stretch, but it's getting there). There's a Facebook page chock full of information and links, a Twitter account devoted to spreading the word and even a nifty T-shirt that you can wear to show your support. Even Jussi himself knows about it!

All of this buzz got me thinking: why should someone use their write-in vote for Jussi over the many other possibilities? Why not write in Luca Caputi? Or Pierre-Luc Letourneau-Leblond? I mean other than the fact that neither one of them has spent any significant time in the NHL. Why is Jussi special? Well, thanks to the many Jussi4ASG supporters, I have some reasons why he should be an All-Star, 36 of them in fact. So without further ado here we go...

1) With a 52% regular season shootout success rate, imagine what he could do in the skills competition. Check out this beauty against Toronto:



2) He'd be the only All-Star who'd hear his name during the signing of the US National Anthem.

3) Jussi's talent allows the coaches to play him at all three forward positions. This kind of versatility sets him apart.

4) NHL.com named Jussi to their list of Best Players by Jersey Number.

5) Other than Cristobal Huet (#214), Jussi (#192) would be the latest drafted player from the 2001 draft class to play in an All-Star Game.

6) He's Oh So Sexy!

7) He was named the Team MVP for the 2009-2010 season.

8) He ranked tied for first in the NHL for game-winning goals during the 2008-2009 playoffs.

9) He holds the record for the latest game winning goal in playoff history and, considering he scored with only 0.2 seconds left in regulation, odds are he'll likely hold that record for some time.


10) He's one of only a handful of players not named Sean Avery to cause a complete Marty Meltdown.


11) We might get to see the Jussi Shuffle. That's reason enough right there.


12) Talk about loving high pressure situations: he's scored 8 game deciding goals in the shootout.

13) The Hurricanes were 19-3-4 in the '09-'10 season when the Juice lit the goal lamp.

14) He ranks second only to Slava Kozlov for most shootout goals in NHL history.

15) His one-kneed fist pump may be one of the best goal celebrations in the National Hockey League.

16) He led Finland to bronze medals in three consecutive World Junior Championships, scoring 18 points in 20 games.

17) His 2008-2009 playoff heroics (7 goals and 11 points in 18 GP) are legendary in Carolina.

18) Jussi is coming off a career season in terms of goals (30) and points (65). Relive all 30 Jussi goals:


19) During Jussi's rookie season, he led the league in shootout goals, scoring 10 out of 13 times, including this beauty on former All-Star Manny Legace:


20) He scored 4 points in the 2006 Winter Olympics, including an assist in the final game, to help Finland secure the silver medal.

21) Every All-Star Game needs dimples, and Jussi brings them in abundance!

22) He's put up points against every NHL team; in fact, the only teams he hasn't scored a goal against are Calgary and Ottawa.

23) In '09-'10 he ranked tied for 10th in the NHL for game-winning goals (6).

24) He's a really good sport when it comes to the antics of the crazy Caniacs!


25) He scored 14 points in 27 playoff games to take his SM Liiga team, Karpat, to two straight championships.

26) He could be the only All-Star that could chow down on his own sandwich before the game. The Juice was introduced at Harris Teeter grocery stores in October of 2010. It was a big hit.

27) People talked about Ovechkin wearing a funny hat and sunglasses. Psh. Let's see him rock a feather boa a la the Juice.

28) In '09-'10, he ranked second among the NHL's Finnish players in scoring (65 points) and first in goals (30).

29) He loves tailgating almost as much as the fans do!


30) Let's be honest here, he has a really cool accent:


31) Even his Royal Ruuness wants to be more like the Juice!


32) He has awesome hair.


33) How many All-Stars can say they have a store named after them in their home country? Well Jussi can...


34) This:


35) Jussi was on fire his rookie season when it came to the shootout-he went 9-for-9 before being stopped by Evgeni Nabokov.

36) He's gone from waivers reject to playoff hero to team fixture in less than 2 seasons, never questioning what was asked of him, but quietly going about his job. He's smart, he works hard and doesn't need to be coddled by the coaching staff. When he takes the ice, he gives us everything he has. He has given us moments that will stay with us forever; moments that made us cheer, moments that made us believe again, moments that dazzled us. Let's give him a moment that dazzles. Let's send him to the 2011 NHL All-Star Game.

Surviving Russia and Praying to the Hockey Gods

As has been tweeted, retweeted, blogged, Facebooked and live streamed (gotta love the internet), the Canes lost their final preseason game to SKA St. Petersburg today/tonight/last night (I still haven't quite gotten the hang of the time difference). I could go on and on about how this was an insanely chippy game (one could probably toss around the word "dirty" without much argument), but instead of a recap filled with quotes and stats, I'm going to let the photos do the talking (with some added commentary).

I sure am glad Eric Stall and Jossi Jokonen were able to make the trip. I hear they're great players!

All of the hope and promise of a great game is present at warm-ups.

The in-arena accomodations are clearly a little different than those in the NHL.

You know, it's a shame the team missed out on the Olympic Opening Ceremonies...I mean pre-game festivities. How often do you get to see violin players rocking out and flying acrobats at hockey games?

Here are the aforementioned acrobats. Yes one of them is wearing a Staal jersey. No that's not some sort of crack at his manhood.

Each player got All-Star treatment as they were introduced individually. Babs got the loudest round of applause (possibly the only time I'll ever type that sentence).

The team stands at attention for the USA national anthem. Fun note, it's only the national anthem for 8 of the Hurricanes (and that counts Brandon Sutter who would probably pick the Canadian anthem if given a choice).

Speaking of Americans...here's Bainer looking...well I'll let you fill in the blank.

See how lovely it is? Such international friendliness-all of these guys coming together to play the sport they love. This is going to be GREAT!

After the ceremonial face-off (I'll give you one guess on who won), the game can finally begin!

Dalpe had some nice chances this afternoon/evening/yesterday.
Someone help me out with this please.

Clearly the friendliness and coming together has ended and an all-out brawl has begun. Before the end of the game we'd lose Gleason (fighting), Corvo (to injury), Staal (safety), Ward (safety), Pitkanen (spearing), and Harrison (fighting). That's in addition to all of the time we spent in the penalty box.

For the record, it took Tim landing about 2 punches (with his gloves still on mind you) before this joker was on the ice bleeding. Gleason for Emperor indeed.

And a gratuitous Tim Gleason shot. Just because.

Skinner (completely obstructed by the beastliness of Jussi) scored a goal and had some very pretty plays throughout the game.

This is a nice shot of the players left on the bench by the time we got to the third period.

And Jay Harrison managed to win a fight. I'd be ashamed if I were Golovkov.
No one loses to Jay Harrison. NO ONE.

Joni has forgotten that in order for his "sneaky nasty" to be effective, it has to oh I don't know actually be sneaky.

Jeff Skinner (who is a hockey playing doll) received a bright, shiny trophy for being the Hurricanes' player of the game (or Man of the Match). I'm not sure if they do this for every game in Russia or if this was special just for us.

Clearly the game did not go as planned (unless of course "play dirty as all heck" was your gameplan; in which case, congrats Russia), but all of our guys made it on the plane and to Finland in what I can assume to be one piece. Now they can rest and focus on what really matters: hitting the saunas! Oh and bringing home 4 points.